Is That What You Really Think of Me?

Reputations.  Stereotypes. Labels.  We've all had to deal with these.  You hope after high school that this gets better but it doesn't really.  It shifts shapes but the idea remains the same.  We all fall victim to this.  So why am I writing about it now?

I was out with a guy friend of mine last week and we were discussing someone I've never really felt likes me.  This person is more his friend than mine, which is why I brought it up.  Now I pause here to say that one of the cold hard facts of life I've had to deal with is this, not everyone will like you.  I'm a people pleaser and so this wasn't an overnight acceptance for me but I have finally come to grips with the idea that I don't have to please everyone and not everyone has to like me.  In fact, I'd rather have their respect - but that's another entry.

Finally after several years of wondering why this particular acquaintance doesn't care for me my friend said, 'well, she thinks you're spoiled and entitled and you didn't have to work to get where you are'.  Now this really knocked the wind out of me.  I'm usually pretty in-tune with people and I'm rarely caught completely off guard but this one shocked me.  She thinks what?

Pause again, I need to tell you that I've met this person maybe five times total over the course of 2-3 years.  This is not someone who's heavily involved in my life, has ever had an in depth conversation with me, or is part of my social circles. In other words, she doesn't really know me.  But apparently she think she has me pretty well figured out.

Normally as a fiery young lady this is the part where I would go on the defensive and list all the reasons that her assessment of me is completely off base.  But I've learned and grown considerably this year and so I calmly turned to my friend and said, 'what do you think?'  See I could spend the rest of my life defending myself against the people who think they understand me or the world I live in but what I'm more concerned with is what the people who know me think.  I also appreciate honestly and this particular friend is painfully honest.  He once told me 'well Becca, you were in pretty good shape but I can tell you've been slacking'. Yeah, that honest.  So I will admit that while I waited for his response I was little afraid to hear what he might say.

He thought for a moment and he said, 'You know, when I first met you I might have thought that.  Before we met I knew your Dad was an NFL football coach and I guess I kind of assumed what you'd be like from growing up in the lifestyle.  But honestly, you're not.  You work hard, harder than most people you're age.  And while you probably could have leveraged your connections, you haven't - you've worked to get what you want and to be where you are.  You're smart and you're always making plans and goals and working towards them. I think you deserve what you do have and I wouldn't say you're spoiled or entitled at all, just determined'.

I felt satisfied with that answer, I'll admit.  From someone who basically told me I was pudging up, to be called smart and hardworking was a huge compliment.  See, I didn't pick where I came from but the life I've built?  That has been a direct result of my choices, effort, and work.  I moved here to build a life on my own.  That's not to say that my parents aren't supportive and that they haven't been incredibly encouraging and had my back over the years.  But I came here to do it on my own, to prove to myself that I could.

I've done a lot of things wrong.  I've made mistakes.  I've screwed up. My pride has caused me to fall.  I've poked holes in walls, fallen down stairs, spilled drinks on new carpet, over withdrawn a bank account (several times actually), and a whole slew of other mistakes.  In fact, I recently let the cat out of the bag to my Mom about how after buying a house I got myself into a little credit card debt and how long it took me to get back out.  My Mom sounded surprised when she said, 'you never told me about that' to which I responded, 'that's because it was my mistake to fix and I knew if I told you, you'd want to help'.

It has always been important to me to be independent.  To earn what I get and to work for what I want.  That is not to say that I don't appreciate that the Lord extends me grace and hasn't given me what I ultimately deserve or that I'm not grateful that my Mom sacrificed her career to homeschool me and my Dad worked hard to provide for me growing up.  I have an incredible family and I wouldn't trade them for anything.  My life is truly blessed in so many ways and I might even go so far as to say that I'm spoiled in that way.

The real point of this post isn't about whether that girl has me pegged just right or whether I'm, in fact, the opposite is true.  The point is that labels, reputations, and stereotypes are a fact of life but they're also a dangerous game.  Judging people you don't know based on their backgrounds will keep you from appreciating who they are now.  Perhaps where we come from effects where we go in life but our pasts don't define us.  If there's one lesson I've learned in my 20s it's this - you choose who you are and you create the life you have with choices that you make.  What priorities you make and how you spend your time will in the end be the life you lived.  That's on you.

I feel like I come from the generation of blamers.  Nothing bad is ever our fault.  We blame our parents.  We blame our friends.  We blame the economy and the job market and the federal government.  We blame our colleges or the bad choice of major.  But the truth is, we're responsible for us.  And while I can't change that particular girl's mind about me if she wants to believe I'm a certain way, I can keep working towards being someone of character.  I can't control what people say about me, but I can control who I am.  I left that conversation encouraged and challenged. I have the freedom to control who I am.  I may even be a little drunk with power on that topic lately.  But I've been putting a lot of thought this week into what labels I want and how I would define myself.

So for any of you who have recently thought, 'Is that what you really think of me?', take heart!  You're not alone.  The rumor mill has given each of us the occasional swift kick.  But while real life is unfortunately not always more advanced than high school, you control who you are.  Don't let anyone make you think otherwise.

Love,
B

Friendship Model.

When I think about friendship the model I always imagine is my Dad and Tony.  Over the past week or so I've been reading Tony Dungy's first book, 'Quiet Strength'.  It's been an amazing trip down memory lane for me as Dad coached under Coach Tony his entire career as an NFL head coach.  From start to finish of the 'Dungy era' we were there.  So it's been full of wonderful memories as well as some tough times of losing, firings, and the loss of Jamie.  Going back through that as I read that book has brought all of it back to me.

Perhaps what stands out above all else is the model of friendship that I've watched these two have.  As I was reading the chapter in which Coach Tony describes how he and my Dad would take a long walk before every game and talk about life, their faith, and their families I find that more than ever I respect their friendship.  It's always been based first and foremost on their shared love the Lord.  As he talked about their bible study in which they read through the bible in a year, every single year, I was inspired...I've watched my Dad do this every single year of his NFL coaching career and this will be his 17th time, I believe.  When we talks about how they started All Pro Dad (where I now work) because of their shared belief in the importance of family, I teared up.

Friendship.  I've talked about it on this blog hundreds of times.  But as I read about their friendship over the course of life - from getting fired in Tampa, to winning a Super Bowl in Indy, to losing a child, 4 adoptions, 2 marriages (of kids), and countless highs and lows these two know what friendship is about.  I realize that I want that.  That level of commitment and accountability.  Someone who's desperate for the Lord and always leading me back to that place when I struggle.

These two have weathered a great many storms and having had the insiders look I can say they are both men of unwaivering faith.  God is first in their lives. And after that their families, their friendships, and somewhere far down the line is football.  It's what they do, but it's never been who they are.  I find that as I get older I'm even more impressed by their friendship and I have a deep desire for something like it in my own life and walk.

Perhaps there will be more about Quiet Strength as I finish it up this week but I had to take the time to talk about friendship, one more time.  These guys, they know how it's done.

Love,
B

Weekend Recap.

Thursday night while driving around with one of my guy friends snooping apartments (for him, not me) he asked if I wanted to go look at one on lunch with him to which I replied, 'Can't. Gotta be a cow on lunch tomorrow. Literally'.

My coworkers and I went to cow appreciation day at Chickfila Friday for lunch.  I actually got a wrap and brought it home for dinner with my freebie (you get a free meal if you dress up as a cow).  I thought you all would enjoy sharing in this ...moment...with me.  Note: my shirt reads Leesa, which is not my name. ; ] The cheap part of me was tempted to stay dressed and go back again.  Is that wrong? Say yes.

Saturday was a workday for me.  I had tons to get done (and money to make) before my vacation starting this Thursday.  I also went to church Saturday night since I had to work up that way, so Sunday made for a relaxing day by the pool with my friend Jason.  I always have the best conversations with Jason when he comes to my pool.  Never a dull moment.  I also got to do some serious damage on this insane book I've been reading, Gone Girl.  Literally insane. Stayed up to finish it last (so, read about 250 pages of it yesterday).  Managed not to spend money on Sunday at all (spending challenge win) and on Friday I only spent money on my mortgage and a few bills, no food or fun stuff.  I will be giving you all a spending challenge update later this week.

I'm ready to grind it out for 3 very full days this week and then hit the beach Thursday morning - Sunday with the Christensen/Breslin crew in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. Vacation or bust!

Love,
B

A Week Unplugged.

Monday.

Oh, hm...unplugged.  Well, this was inspired by my desire to spend less time texting and more time actually living my life.  I figured this week would be perfect because I have fun things planned during the days and evenings pretty much all week, so this will give me the opportunity to actually be present with people.  I'm dragging Amber along with me because there's safety in having someone else be tortured with you.

Unplugged means phone on silent, in my purse, when I'm with other people.  It means finally calling back the people I need to actually speak too.  It means facetime with close friends.  It means thoughtfully written cards instead of snarky lunch time twitter mentions.  It means a little more depth and a little more wisely spent time.

Tuesday.

After starting the hair-brained scheme to be more present in life I made a list of 10 people I needed to have conversations with this week.  I'm going to call them.  Yes, all 10 of them.  Yes, me, who loathes the phone. I loathe the phone but I love these 10 people and so I am going to call them.  I'm mostly convincing myself here.

I called my grandpa on my lunch break yesterday.  He just went to Washington DC with a group of 35 vets of WW2 to see the new memorial they put in there.  He had called me a few weeks back when Tampa was having terrible storms and so I thought, I should call him and ask about his trip!  He was going to see this memorial, where I was in May of this year during my trip...

I could tell it meant the world to him that I remembered and called back for a chat about something we've both been part of this year.  My grandpa is an incredible man of God and hearing his perspective on the memorial that recognize and honors his sacrifice and the lives of many of his friends that were lost in honor of our freedom was touching.  I may have been on to something with this unplugged week.

I spent last night at Yogurtology and Bath & Body works with Nichole and Kari, so that made it easy to want to put away the phone (other than needing to read them something from the internet) and just enjoy being with them.  Nichole and I exchanged books for the book swap, and Kari and I got to share our love of  wall flowers and scented lotions.  It was a surprisingly perfect Monday night, sans texting (with scheduling exceptions, naturally...).  Maybe I really can do this!

Wednesday.


Tuesday made for an easy day to go without texting.  I spent my lunch break with Jess and Delaney, catching up about life.  Jess is one of my longest standing friends and I adore her.  I realized and pointed out last week that she is the person I tell things I wouldn't tell any of my other close friend, if that makes sense?  She's my secret keeper.

(this is Delaney, Jess's beautiful niece...well one of them!)

Tuesday night after work I got to have fro yo with Thomas to celebrate the end of his clinicals!  He is almost a murse (male nurse).  If he reads this he will probably hate me for saying that almost as much as my neighbor hates me every time I introduce him as my murse neighbor.

Wednesday was equally fabulous has I got to have lunch with my friend Preston who recently took a job at a building right by my house/work (I work and live about 2 miles apart so it's the same area).  We met at the mall food court and talked money and business plans because, well, he's my only friend who's as interested in that stuff as I am, I think.

Wednesday night I used my time between jobs to have an hour long chat with my bestie who moved to Austin, TX recently, Auburn. It was so good to hear her voice I literally cried a little bit.  And then spent the rest of the time talking like we would have over fro yo before she left.  It was perfect and much needed.  And followed that up with a call to my friend Jon, in Indy, who is literally one of my most perfectly timed friendships. I'm not sure I could love him anymore than I do...he is truly an amazing friend and I'm grateful for him.  Maybe I'm really onto something with this text-less-talk-more thing I'm working this week.

Thursday.

Whew, Thursday was a bit of a blur to be honest.  I probably texted a little more than I should of but I was literally on the go from 8am-10pm without stop.  I did call my best friend on my way into work (when I also drove through sonic and got a diet coke, of course).  I had lunch with the Crimellas - Jess, Noah, and Emmie, which was awesome.  Love them.

I had a meeting after work, then fro yo with Bryn (I love every second I get with her, she's so special to me), and then drove around and looks at apartments with a friend (not for me, I'm staying put).  I've become semi-obsessed with real estate over the years and since I'm not selling my place, buying a second, or probably ever renting again - I live vicariously through bossing my friends around about what they should by, where they should rent, and helping them get good deals.

Thursday was also the start of Amber, Candy, and I's spending project.  We're tracking every dollar we spend for a week.  Mildly terrifying.  But I think it'll be good.  Maybe.  Or depressing. We'll see.  Depending on how ashamed I am, I may post about this later.

Friday.

I have a surprisingly small amount to say about Friday for once.  It was busy, it went quickly, and I didn't have many chances to text anyway so it wasn't a bad day for that.  The spending project is taking more of my attention than not texting.  Managed to get a few of my phone calls made.  I really used my time in the car wisely this week (unless you subscribe to the camp of not talking while driving, in which case I failed in your book).  I got to catch up with a huge list of friends I'd been meaning to call....and I'm inspired to hit up a few more in the next few days before I head off to Myrtle Beach.

I'm ending this experiment, officially today, but I actually think it's more of a beginning for me.  I have a few days left before I head on a 4 day get-a-way and I plan to spend very little of that time text, or really being on my phone at all.  I guess if my family read this blog, which they don't, they'd hold me accountable.  Since they don't I guess you all can.  

The best takeaways from this week have been - conversations are better than text messages, any day.  I still don't love the phone but I will say this week went a long way in encouraging me to use it more often.  It doesn't take a ton of effort to make people feel special and involved in your life.  I'm realizing that more and more.  I don't want to be a slacker on the small things that make up the bigger picture of my relationships.  And I should also confess, the world didn't stop turning while I was texting absent.  So I guess that's good news, it really doesn't revolve around me and my witty texting banter.

Love,
B

Summer Reading: July Part One.

Summer reading lists are a dime a dozen and I've noted that people don't seem particularly interested in reading a review of a book here every single week.  So I'm going to lump them for July and give you the first half of my July reading list today and perhaps after I return from Myrtle Beach I will give you part two ( I expect I will devour a few books on that trip).

I am a huge Jodi Picoult fan as many of you know.  Lone Wolf, which I finished over 4th of July weekend and her newest book, coauthored by her daughter are the only Jodi's I haven't read yet.  My Mom is faithful to buy me all of Jodi's books, or was, until the one she bought me for Christmas turned out to be about a lesbian couple and my Mom was tempted to steal it back and rid the house of it, I'm pretty sure.  She may not be buying me any more Jodi's now.

Anywho, Lone Wolf was not my favorite Picoult novel (that title is split between Salem Falls and Nineteen Minutes) but I will say, it only took me 3 days to finish so it obviously wasn't boring either.  It was a nice read for my pool side holiday and the story-line interested me, I just didn't care for the family to wolf pack parallels that overwhelmed the first half of the book.  I'm glad I read it and if you like Picoult's style of writing, this one won't disappoint.  If you like wolves, well, you'll probably love it.

For the first half of this book I didn't like it and thought 'why am I reading this' but the second half really brought it all together in  way that made me a. give it 4 stars on Goodreads and b. feel glad that I finished.  I'm really working hard at writing a good story and so Miller's dialog about how to write a better life story really hit home with me on many levels.  His theology is shakey for me but he makes some good points.  My feelings on this book are about as muttled as what I just wrote about it.

This book was a blend of scandel and somewhat unexpected plot twists.  I read it in 24 hours, mostly by the pool.  I really enjoyed it and it kept my interest from start to finish, which I feel like is no small feat.  I was glad I found it (at the used bookstore in my library) and I'm considering reading a few more of Hilderbrand's novels now.

Hilarious. I wanted it to go on forever.  I absolutely loved this one and thought it made for a perfect summer read.  Get it.

Note: After deciding to do my reading updates in lumps, I realized I've been dominating a crazy amount of books lately, so this list doesn't include all the books I'd read in the first two weeks of July, there have been a few others. But these are the ones I felt like highlighting.  This is my blog and I'll do what I want.

Love,
B

It's Ok Thursday.

Ah, Thursday.  It's ok...
...to be excited to have lunch with Jess and her kiddos today. (blogger friendship for the win!)
...to be stoked about Yogurtology for the 3rd time this week, with Bryn after work (thanks Kari, Nichole, and Thomas for the first 2 nights).
...to be slightly ashamed to be the mayor (on foursquare) of your bank, sonic, yogurt hangout, and gym.  Odd combo, I know.
...to finish books weirdly.  I finished 3 yesterday after going a few days without finishing any.
...to have Amber and my bff tracking their spending with me so I'll be better and better.
...to be on a new budget/savings plan.
...to be hungry whenever I'm counting calories.
...to be proud of yourself for having 5 phone conversations this week, when you usually ignore your phone calls and dodge talking on the phone during non-working hours.
...to keep a to do list, a planner, and a book in your bag at all times or feel naked (usually here's also an iPad or Kindle in there too).
...to be stoked to read the books I got from the book swap (thanks Nichole!)
...to be looking forward to a busy, productive weekend.
...to be giddy over travel plans that are finally approaching.
...to have boycotted free Slurpee day in honor of my sister, because I want me next one to be with her.
...to keep your dating life on the DL.
...to have the most amazing friends in the world (this is not in contrast to me friendship post earlier this week, this is in addition too)
...to hashtag things #allidoiswin - right Amber?
Love,B

Weekend Recap.

Since I had a serious topic I wanted to go ahead and write about yesterday, this post is a day later than would normally be appropriate.  It's Tuesday, not Monday, I know.  I'm hoping you can all handle that like mature adults.

This weekend was great in that totally normal, simple, I was actually in town and not overloaded with plans kind of way that is rare in my world.

While shopping for gifts on Saturday at Nordstrom Rack I ran into Alicia, whom I haven't seen in about 15 years and who honestly looks exactly the same! (Alicia - I assumed you wouldn't mind that I stole your photo of us)...

It was so great to see her and to talk about where we're each at in life.  I loved getting to catch up with her and I hope that we'll have time to do more of that very soon!  If it happens to be at Nordstrom Rack again, that would be just fine too!

I got in a lunch and some sun time with my friend Jason, whom I'm sorry to say I've barely seen this year!  We live literally 10 minutes apart if we were biking and I still hardly ever see him.  We've committed to do better at this and I really loved getting some facetime with him over sushi and in my favorite place to spend time with anyone - the sun. 

I finished three books last week and started a whole new set of new ones over the weekend.  I also tortured Amber all weekend about her reading goals.  She bascially loves to hate me now.

Sunday night was spent celebrating the birthday of my sweet friend Kayla, who turned 25 this weekend!  We had sushi in Soho and then watched Bride Wars over coffee and cupcakes.  I'm really grateful for her friendship, she's been such a blessing in my life.

(mmm, cupcakes)

Like I said, low key weekend.  I have a semi-low key weekend coming up followed by 4 days in Myrtle Beach with family the following weekend to look forward too.  Oh happy day. 

I'm 'unplugged' this week to be present in real life so you can probably expect better blog posts than usual after today.  But who knows, maybe not.  I may be alone with my thoughts this week and they may still be shallow.  We'll see.

Love,

B