Scattered Thoughts.

I've had a lot on my mind this week and I thought typing them out to you here would help me organize them in my head. We'll see if I can make sense of it myself enough to make it make sense to you here.

First off, I was struck this week with the great desire to be someone who has the ability to get to the heart of a matter. I desire to be someone who addresses issues head on and while not seeking out confrontation, doesn't shy away from the tough conversations. This came to light as I was struck with the idea that in recent situations I haven't let my actions match my words. I long to be someone who is consistent in the way I feel and speak and the way I act.

As you all know to be true about me when I find a problem, I want it fixed. So I spent some time thinking about how I've handled a few elephants in the room lately, and then I picked up my cell phone and dialed up the person I knew I needed to get real with and said the hard thing. The thing I knew that person wouldn't want to hear. The truth. My thoughts, my feelings. I was humble and respectful but I was uncompromising and firm. I desire to be a person of character and of inner strength and while that change doesn't happen by having one tough conversation, character is made in those moments in which we find that we are not yet who we want to be and we must continue to grow.

I'm thankful that the conversation went well and that my opinions were met with a loving and accepting response. To say I was surprised would be an understatement but the glow from that conversation has continued to light up this week. Sometimes doing the hard thing will not meet with such a favorable response but I hope that I will always be someone who takes pride in doing the right thing over the easy thing. I am learning to be more completely honest and open than I have ever been before and I'm watching the Lord reward that. It has not been without it's growing pains.

The power of love is another concept that's recently been on my mind. After getting a surprising text message from someone I've grown apart from over the years both out of necessity and out of natural progression of life I was reminded that our love never totally fails. When we love, people are changed. Sometimes that change takes a while to reveal itself but it never returns void.

I was truly touched by that reminder and challenged in my current relationships. Everyone the Lord brings into our lives is an opportunity to show his love. Are we taking those chances seriously? What does it look like to love? To extend the kind of friendship that leaves an impression, even 8 years later. Those chances are too important to miss or to mess up.

Along those lines, I've been pondering what it means to serve. The bible talks over and over about it but I'm muscling through what that looks like in the practical sense of the word. Right now, for me, with the people I'm surrounded with. How do I serve my family, my friends, my boyfriend, my church family? What does it look like to put their needs above my own and to be purposeful and intentional in the way I serve others?

I'm still working on that one but I wanted to share it so I'd be accountable to continue to be looking for ways to serve.

Thanks for letting me blabber about things.

Love,

B

Burning Bridges.

Photo.

'Truly, if they had been mindful of that country from whence they came out, they might have had the opportunity to have returned'. - Hebrews 11:15

I'm currently leading a bible study called 'No Other gods' by Kelly Minter (a christian singer out of Nashville, TN). And as I consider what it looks like in my own life to destroy the idols I've made along my journey, the things I have given places of honor to in my life, I realize that sometimes in life - you have to burn bridges.

We're a culture that shutters at the idea of stepping outside of political correctness and we shy away from hurting anyone's feelings or drawing lines in the sand. No black and white, only gray. We don't write people off, we don't burn bridges. Everything is left open-ended, even things we know brought us down, hurt us, or held us back from reaching our goals. Why is that?

As I've thought about some of the idols I've built - the desire for acceptance from others and achieving success being two - I realize that a bonfire of bridges isn't always a bad idea. When I look back on my life and the unwise decisions I made before I brought my faith to the forefront, I realize that if I leave those bridges unburned, there will always be the option to go back. Back to unhealthy relationships and expectations, back to people pleasing at the Lord's expense, back back back to a time in my life when my priorities were out of whack.

I desire with every fiber of my being to let the past be the past. To bask in the forgiveness that the Lord has offers us and to never return to darker places where the shallow things of this world reigned supreme in my fragile existence. So why leave bridges unburned?

I raise my diet coke in a toast, to lighting a match and watching the bridge to your past go up in flames. I'm telling you it's not only ok to burn some bridges, it's essential! When you cross out of a bad place and you find hope, burn that sucker so you can't go back, and your past can't follow you to your new home. Not looking back is a biblical theme we see over and over. Don't leave yourself the option of returning to that place...head for the promised land.

Love,
B

Week before Wedding Thoughts.

My best friend’s wedding is next weekend! My excitement is growing with each day. I can’t wait to be there (Indiana) with her for her big day. I’m honestly thrilled to be a part of the wedding party and stand next to her on her big day as she commits the rest of her days to the love of her life. What a precious day it will be!

In anxious anticipation of the big day I wanted to take a few moments to share what’s on my heart…

It’s funny how God works sometimes. It was fall break of my junior year of college at Purdue. I was home with a friend shopping at the Keystone Mall in Indianapolis. I was helping her pick out the perfect Coach bag that was to be a gift from her Mom and chatting with the associates while we browsed. One particularly friendly Coach employee happened to be a manager and she asked if I were interested in a job. I explained that while Coach would be a fabulous place to work, I was in school over an hour away. Turns out, they needed holiday help (when I would be home with my family anyway).

What started as casual shopping ended in a seasonal position that lasted 2 years (on and off) and brought me my best friend, Candy. Oddly enough, our friendship didn’t progress until after I left Coach after the first year. Candy had qualities I look for in a friend. She was kind. She was thoughtful. She was honest. She was smart and hard-working to a fault. I’ve always loved that about her, she has incredible work ethic. She also knows Coach purse names (and item numbers) like no one I’ve ever known…and that is a skill!

After I left a whirlwind couple of months as a greeter and gift wrapper for my first holiday season with Coach, we stayed in touch. I was a bit surprised at first, Christmas time at the mall doesn’t leave much down time to get to know a person. I went back to school in January but thanks to facebook we were able to keep up with each other’s lives and meet up from time to time when I was in Indy. I remember one of the first big ‘hang outs’ we had was going to a Colts game, Candy’s first and my…400th? For some reason what stands out in my mind most about that particular game is that when we first got to our seats she confessed that her Dad told her that morning he had no idea why I would have invited her of all people to the game. She knows more about football than he gave her credit for and is a loyal Colts fan – which I adore about her.

Our friendship, our love for each other (and even the Colts) has grown tremendously since that day. Through her moving home and meeting Josh who would change the course of her life forever to me packing up and moving 17 hours away to strike out on my own in Florida. Through jobs gained and lost. Through tough decisions. Through trials and failures. Through grad school decisions and applications. Through parent stresses and awkward moments. Through laughter and tears and even several years – our friendship has become one of my most treasured relationships.

In friendships we take on many different roles at any given time. Candy has been my encourager. My confidant. The voice of reason through more than a few crisis moments. My cheerleader through some bold moves. My comedic relief on my worst of days. She continues to amaze me with her thoughtful gestures and her consistent effort to be a great friend.

I remember the first time she told me about Josh. We were in Indy after she’d moved back home and we had gotten together in Indy to catch up. They hadn’t known each other long but she was already confident this one was going to last. I remember knowing immediately how excited she was about him, even though it was new.

I love that since that day I’ve been able to get to know Josh myself and see that he loves so many of the same qualities in Candy that I do. How special it has been to watch their love for each other grow and to build a friendship with him as well. He texted me the day he was going to propose and I anxiously awaited (at my parents house) the post-proposal call from Candy telling me all the details. Shortly after that proposal she asked me if I would be a bridesmaid, something I’d secretly been hoping for since I knew they were going to get married.

Candy and Josh were my first friends to fly to Florida and be a part of my life here. Sleeping on the floor in my rental, getting lost on the way to the beach, and kicking my butt in putt-putt golf (it was embarrassing, my Dad would be ashamed). One of my favorite memories about that trip is that Josh told me that until I found the right guy, he’d fill in when I need someone to fix something or ‘whatever’. That was a touching gesture to me, that as Candy’s ‘bff’ he wanted to look out for me too.

They’ve driven to see me in Indy every time I go home. Volunteered at my works events. And supported be with texts during countless Colt’s games and craziness within the football side of my world. It’s meant everything to me to get to know them as a couple, as the big wedding day has grown closer.

And now, here it is! 8 days til wedding. My dress has been altered 3 times. My shoes bought. My gift is wrapped. My flights are booked. I’m headed back to Indiana to share in the biggest day of their lives as a couple thus far.

I wish them true love everyday of their lives. Love that is lasting. Love that is both patient and kind. Love is forgiving and trusting. Love that protects and encourages. Love that will persevere. And most of all the kind of love that the Lord promises ‘will never fail’.

Love Always,
B

Over analyzing.

I'm currently reading the Biggest Loser's 30 day jump start as I'm back in a BL contest at work (the 2nd, after winning the first) with 2 new competitors. I'm always looking for ways to efficiently reach my goals, no matter what the goal may be. I started to read a little ahead (typical) and the title for Day Three's lesson is 'get selfish with you time'. That title grabbed my attention right away.

I think with getting fit and healthy, as with most goals you do have to allow yourself to have some 'me' time. And I realized as I was reading the lesson, that for the people who go on that show this is a big deal. They've allowed their families, friends, kids, responsibilities, and jobs to hold them back from taking the necessary steps to get their health under control. Something that could easily happen to any of us. I know that I've allowed my friends (and sometimes family) to keep me from the right amount of sleep, staying up with housework, studying when I was in school, etc.

Life is full of tough choices and while we want to make sure those we love know how important they are to us, we also have to make us time. Here's my argument though. I don't think making your health a priority IS selfish. Ultimately, you're taking care of yourself so that you can spend more time with your family and friends over the course of your life.

Balance is sometimes difficult for me. I truly love everything about my life. I love being a homeowner and taking care of my place (though some weeks you wouldn't know it from the looks of it!). I love leading a bible study for young women and growing with them as we 'do life' together. I enjoy my job almost every minute of every day (couldn't say every because data entry does not get me excited). I feel fortunate to be able to travel and see new cities as a result of said job. I'm enthralled with reading and writing. I treasure talking to my family members on an almost daily basis. Amazingly, I've started to really enjoy my daily workouts. I've always loved laying by the pool with a good book. I'm also in a book club, which I'd taken a break from while I was teaching personal finance but am now back in.

I dabble in a bit of everything. Curiosity tends to get the best of me and I find myself doing activities such as ceiling fan installation classes and wandering the library selecting new books. With the 4th of July in a few days it seems only appropriate to point out that we have an incredible amount of freedom to do as we wish. We also have an overwhelming amount of resources to learn, which a sadly small amount of people utilize. That's not a freedom that I take for granted, or that I'm willing to miss the chance to take advantage of.

So here's my challenge...if we're not getting our hands dirty helping others, then we're missing a great opportunity to give back. While I encourage getting time to yourself and doing something worthwhile with it, I truly believe that the best and most memorable times in my life are those spent helping others. The trick, is that you have to find a balance. When you give too much of yourself, allowing yourself to be worn out and pouring nothing back in - you will eventually have nothing left to give. Nothing of value or worth, at least. But when you use all your time for selfish matters, you develop no legacy to leave behind.

Love,
B