Self Evaluation.

This entry will be one of probably a few wrap up entries to 2010. But I want to go back to January of 2010 where I wrote this entry, letting you all know (and putting into words for myself) what I desired my life to look like in 2010.

So how'd I do?

Well, I'll say that for keeping the Lord the center of my life the second half of 2010 has been more of a success than the first half. I continue to grow in my faith even as I sometimes feel I take one step forward and 2 steps back or the reverse on a better month. It's a struggle, and I certainly haven't arrived at my destination (though honestly, you never do) - but this year has certainly taken me into a deeper relationship with Christ and has reminded me more than a few times of my need for Him, daily.

It's with mixed feeling that I respond to the second item on the list. I left Indiana a broken girl, searching for God knows what. Over the past 2 years the Lord has healed me far beyond my expectations. I can happily say that I am loving with all my heart, openly, and without expectation or hesitation. This is a great place to be in. That being said, I'm continuing to understand why the Lord instructs us to 'guard our hearts' and I'm seeking his wisdom on how to continue to open my heart to the right people, through the right channels.

Praying for my family has certainly been crucial this year! We Christensens (and Breslins) have had a big year. Full of changes, challenges, and delightful times together. I have seen the Lord answer my prayers and protect my family and bless them beyond my dreams for them (which are big). I continue to strive to be more diligent in my prayer life.

I'm pleased to report I've followed through well with 'cutting the crap'. I've greatly reduced my commitments throughout this year so that I could focus in on the ones that matter most and that I believe I'm called to for this time. It's been freeing, it's been refreshing, and it's been motivating. That's to my church's 'Creating Space' series I had great tools for getting the job done.

I have rested more this year then in the last 24 combined. This has been a great year of slowing down and taking it all in. I'm grateful that I set that goal and kept it. It's given me the chance to enjoy my relationships, spend quality time with the ones I love, and keep my next goal...

I am one book away from having finished my commitment to read 50 book in 2010! I'm working on that now but I will absolutely meet this goal. The journey has been neat. I've read some great books and some I could do without. I've enjoyed telling you about many of them and even reading some of the books you suggested to me! I guess it's time to start thinking about what reading related goals I want to make for 2011. Do I read another 50? Do I take it up? Tackle a new genre? What will it be?

I have been quicker to listen and slower to speak and judge.

I have forced myself outside of my comfort zone on many occasions and survived each (most with my dignity intact).

My condo is almost full with furniture (minus my sad little empty guest bedroom), usually filled with people, and often filled with love.

I have come a long way in forgiving others but will admit I still have a long way to go in being good at forgiving myself. As a people pleaser, I have a hard time with this one. I beat myself up over my mistakes (which are many). But I find that as I've embraced that my sins were paid for on the cross and the Lord has removed them as far as the east is from the west, there is a peace in knowing that I'm forgiven not by anything I have done but by His grace.

I do love my job.

I have been writing excessively this year - both on the blog and in preparation for writing a book.

I think it's fair to say that sharing has been one of my greatest successes this year.

I have grown up a tremendous amount this year, experiencing some growing pains along the way. I am by no means a finished product as you'll see when I make my 2011 goals. But I find that I'm no longer afraid of getting older, and I'm becoming increasingly better at being both young and successful, in my own way. It's refreshing to see how I've been able to meet so many of my goals this year.

Love,
B

Grace Under Pressure.

A man has no more character than he can command in a time of crisis - Ralph W. Sockman

This week I had several unique opportunities to show my true character. When caught off guard or in a crisis, we reveal our true selves. Any one of us can dress up and play a part. We can put on a brave or happy face and say all the right, previously prepared words. It is when we extend grace or show character at a time we've been without opportunity to prepare for, that is special.

I am the queen of lending things out. I'm a bit of a collector of 'things' and nothing brings me greater joy than to share something I love with someone else. A little while back I offered a friend one of my designer handbags to take on a trip with her. It went with some of the outfits she had planned and it's always fun to have something 'new' on a trip, right? I was only too happy to lend it to her.

Bless her sweet heart, by an unavoidable accident my handbag was destroyed on the trip and she had to come back (after much preparation) and tell me that it was ruined. I could tell before she even got the words out how sorry she felt and to be 100% honest, I felt way worse for her than I did about the silly purse.

I was able to share with her something my Dad told me after I was in a car accident a few years back. I remember calling him, terrified he'd be angry about my car (even though the accident wasn't my fault). When your 16, $20 feels like a ton of money. I already knew that getting a car fixed was expensive and I was so grateful just to have one. To give you an idea, this 'super expensive' car of mine was a Toyota Camry with 150K miles on it. Not like I wrecked a new benz, but to me it was the freedom I'd waited 16 years for and I loved it every bit as much as a new benz.

I had no idea what he would say when he found out mine was banged up. He said something that has stuck with me for 8 years now. He said, ' Bekes (that's what my Dad calls me) cars can be fixed or replace, it's you that matters''. That my friends, is grace under pressure. That in a time when my Dad had the opportunity to build me up or tear me down, he was able to see through to the big picture. That a car accident makes for a crummy day but in the end, that's just it. One bad day and a few hundred bucks. The way he handled that situation changed the way I looked at 'stuff' from that day forward.

So here I am 8 years later, down one designer purse and faced with a tearful, (and fearful) friend. Do you know what came out of my mouth before I even realized it? "It's just a purse and purses can be replaced'. And you know what, I was right! Stuff comes and goes and sometimes it's sad when your favorite pair of jeans finally bite the dust or you leave an open pen in your handbag, or you snag a heel off a great pair of shoes on a cracked sidewalk. It's important to realize that those things can always be replaced - it's the people in your life that truly matter.

I said that I had several of these opportunities lately. Two more situations that were quite intense (though less of a ball-in-my-court kind of deal). As you get older it must be true that you turn into your parents because as I can imagine both my parents doing in those situations I gave them scriptures I have hidden in my heart and I prayed with them, on the spot. My parents among so many wonderful traits are prayer warriors the likes of which I have rarely met. Anytime, big or small, I need help I call my parents and ask them to pray with me. Over the years I have watched as my parents have worn there knees out in prayer for my sisters and I. Of the great many things I owe my parents for, their prayers are indeed the top of the list.

I guess the point of this blog entry is that when we are faced with the unexpected our character finds it's way out. We have to be preparing ourselves before hand to deal with those situations with grace. I leave you with this...

'Grace isn't a little prayer you chant before receiving a meal. It's a way to live' - Jackie Windspear

Love,

B

You're a Mean Girl, Katy.

In one of my favorite movies, Mean Girls, I picked up a term I am forever using...word vomit. A term used to describe the feeling when you can no longer hold something in and you vomit out the thoughts in your head in a never-ending-spew-of-words. We've all had these moments, yes? And for the more fortunate of us, we have the person who hears us out when we need to spew. I've been known to call someone and start the conversation pre-greeting with, ' I just need to vent' or 'can I word vomit?'.

Now controlled spewing to a good friend is totally different then when you're caught off guard by the overwhelming need for this while dealing with say, incompetent or out of line customer service representatives. So lets talk about that for a moment. I try to always be polite and well spoken when trying to handle issues. I don't accuse or demand, I just try to present the facts and politely request the course of action I deem appropriate. Whether a return at a department store, an error in an order I made online, or one of my utility companies. Their behavior, however, often tempts my inner Mean Girl to come out in full force!

Last week, this very thing happened. One of my utility companies and I had a misunderstanding that resulted in some frustrations on both our parts. I called in, patiently waited on hold, and explained the issues. The customer service rep (who was clearly in the wrong job for her sparkingly personality) proceeded to tell me in plain English that it was 'all my fault'. My fault? I am the customer and therefore should be right even when wrong. My training from working at Coach has taught me this well. In customer service you never accuse the customer. Never.

So rules aside, the damage was done. My inner Mean Girl was clawing her way to the surface by now. I elbowed her down and calmly responded to the rep who was raising her voice with me that I in no way meant to offend her or her company and would only like to resolve the present issues. Another five minute into the conversation I was irate. I don't mind owning some responsibility in misunderstandings, but being accused over and over of being at fault in something that was clearly not my fault was more than I could handle.

My coworkers and I joke because I once told a customer service rep in college that I would 'haunt them' until they fixed the problem. So I'm known to be more than a bit scary when necessary to accomplish my goal. However, I do always, always, always try to be civil first. If being lady-like fails me the fangs do occasionally come out. In this case the woman was condescending enough to insult my intellect and ability to perform their instructions properly, which was not the cause of the problems nor an accurate statement. But while my inner 'Katy Harron' was begging to respond with a snide remark about the differences in her intellect and mine, I was struck with the idea that this was the perfect opportunity to extend grace.

Now, I've come a long way in the last few years with this whole patience and grace thing. But I admittedly have a long way to go because once I hit my boiling point, IF I manage to extend any grace it's always a bit begrudgedly. Progress though, is that I extend it even when I don't want too. AND I like to think that after practicing some restraint with my tongue, it may get easier in time.

The sometimes sad part about life is that it isn't fair. Sometimes you have to pay fees you shouldn't really owe to people who stink at their job and ruin your day. And while you may secretly (or not so secretly) want to punch them in the throat, adult life often includes swallowing your wounded pride and cutting your losses. If you're like me, you may throw in the 'I'll pay this to resolve the conflict but I still believe you are doing the wrong thing here' so you can sleep at night knowing that perhaps they may later feel bad about purposefully wronging you and cheating you out of your money.

Rounds one & two may have gone to 'Patty Positive' of the customer service line, but don't count me out just yet. Come to find out, a darling coworker of mine happens to know the head of the company and volunteered to pleed my case to him and try to get these crazy, random, unlabeled fees removed from my bill. After she chats with him, things may just get resolved properly after all.

Here's to all my free spirited, wild women who are trying to tame their inner Mean Girl. I feel your growing pains. I adore you. We are kindred spirits. Oh, and you can always word vomit to me.

Love,
B