Saturday, April 13, 2013

So, Becca, are you seeing anyone?

From time to time I forget what a nerd I really am and I start to feel cool. You know, I'm building fish ponds in Africa and seeing Super Bowls in Miami and continuing my adventure to see all 50 states and I start to think man, my life is awesome.  When I am in this groove The Lord with his giant sense of humor will unfailingly put me in a situation like this... I have just started getting to know someone and they're starting to feel like they know me so maybe it's ok if they ask me a personal question, right?  But do they ask me what my favorite of the 104 books I read last year was or which US city I love the most? No. It always boils down to this... So, Becca, are you seeing anyone?

This is not humbling because I never date. Lets clear that up. This is humbling because on the off chance that I like this person enough to go there with them and actually be open (instead of my honest but curt go to response of: no one to write home about) it makes me seem like a freak.  The short answer is yes, I'm dating.  But I don't date like most people my age, which seems to mean one person at a time every single day of the week. And the truth is, whether it 'makes me the guy in the situation' or not - I don't want a commitment right now. If this hasn't made the person who thinks they know me eye me strangely when I follow it up with 'I think maybe in another 5 years or so' they're appalled. Apparently 27 is not the new 22 it's the new 40.

Here's where I should pause and say that when I graduated college and moved to Tampa I had spent the better part of my college years being a little too into  the boy thing. I liked the wrong boys for too long  and it took too much energy. So when I moved away I thought here's my chance to actually like myself. To be me. To do my thing, whatever that was sans energy sucking other half.  I also felt like a I looked around at all the other single 20s and they were obsessed with the next chapter. 'When I'm married' which turned into 'when I have kids' which turned into 'when my kids go to school' ... No one seemed to just be loving  their current stage. So I set out to do that... I want to love every single season of my life for what it is. And I don't want to spend it worrying about the next one.

I don't know that this is how we'll achieve world peace but I will say that if I had a nickel for every married person who's told me they wished they'd taken the time to love this season of life the way I have and to grow up and experience life before marriage - I'd be showing Bill Gates what's up at the country club. I have traveled the US and a little bit of the world. Bought a home as a 24-year-old single and decorated exactly how I wanted. I moved. I changed jobs (twice now). I've been to concerts and sporting events and even fashion shows. I've used every single airline mile I've earned to explore new places and fall in love with cities big and small.

And I haven't ever taken a full break from the dating scene. I am still experiencing and enjoying my fair share of awkward first dates, perfect dates, first kisses, and new clothes just for dates (this is personally my favorite part of dating). Last year I even had a sweet boy I'd been crushing on fly me
across the country for a weekend of dates. It was fabulous (though it was the beginning and the end of that). Dating is fun and an adventure in its own way and you know I love an adventure.

See the hang up isn't that I don't Date. The hang up is that boy crazy college girl traded in being someone's better half for a suitcase and a gypsy soul and she's never looked back. Someday I imagine I'll find the one person who will be my game changer. Or maybe he will have to find me in a third world country building a church or in the Grand Canyon wandering around...this is admittedly more likely. But in the meantime I plan to keep shocking these curious hopeless romantics with my own way of being, while I love this season of my life with every ounce of my energy. And someday I will love the next season , whatever that may look like, just as hard.



Nichole said...

When I met Jason, I was twenty-three. Even though I already, surprisingly, had married friends, twenty-three was y.o.u.n.g. for me. I had gotten out of a seriously dysfunctional relationship and said no more boys for a while. Then I met Jason and EVERYTHING changed. He totally makes me a better person and if I hadn't accidentally found him, I have no clue where I'd be! But I wasn't looking and honestly, I think that's the best way to find the ONE. until then, enjoying YOUR own journey and dating is fun and I'm glad you know it :)

Nicole said...

Everyone has a different journey in life! The one thing that counts is that YOU are happy! I met my now husband at 22 and we travel and have our own successes that we get to enjoy together. Being single was good being married is good, it is all good =D Oh and the questions NEVER stop if it isn't are you seeing somebody, it's are you getting married, and after that it's when are the children coming!? lol I know everyone thinks that's what life is all about but, I, personally am in no rush to start popping out babies! SO I am stuck with that question almost DAILY! :)I shrug it off and ask them something equally annoying!

Katie said...

I could have written this before I met my husband. Before I met him, I had ZERO desire to be married. I loved being single, living alone, and doing what I wanted to when I wanted to do it! So good for you! Enjoy this season of your life before the next one comes. :)

Amber said...

Girl, you just keep being YOU! Becca, you're awesome and one day you'll find someone who can handle your amazingness. And I totally get the 27 isn't 22, it's 40. People make me feel like a spinster for not being married yet. Whattt?! I'm not that old yet! xoxo Miss you!