This.

I shared previously that I spent Easter weekend with my sister and her growing family.  While I was there she said something that has continued to come to mind in the month since my visit.  She said, 'You seem happy Beccs, happier than I ever remember you'.  You know what? I am.  I am enjoying this year more than any before it.  And as I sat back the other day and thought about where I'm at and what I want I thought...this.  I want this.

I want deep, meaningful relationships.  I want great, Christian community.  I want to laugh til my sides hurt on facetime with faraway friends (here's looking at you and your dance moves Jared) and cry on the couch during quiet times with my Mom.  I want e-mails from college friends after my blogspots that tell me what the Lord is doing with their story.  I want to laugh, cry, eat, chat, text, pray, share, and grow with my bible study girls.  I want to crave morning quiet times and have hilariously transparent conversations with my Savior over coffee in the mornings.  I want to devour 100 books a year.

I want to host friends, neighbors, and maybe even occasionally strangers for dinner at my house.  I want to enjoy the small stuff like Sam's club shopping trips with my Mom and new beach towels for the pool.  I want to be part of the biggest and smallest moments of my family members lives.  I want to cheer my Dad on at his football games or in a sports bar faraway.  I want to read the same books as my Mom and stand up as a bridesmaid and support my baby sister in her wedding this summer.  I want to  hold my new niece or nephew this fall and realize even more fully what unconditional love feels like. I want to eat an omelette made from my bro-in-laws chicken's eggs and watch my cousins baseball games.

I want to travel to Austin to be with Auburn so I can fall in love with her new hometown.  I want to watch Meagan's son's basketball games with her and watch Duck Dynasty with she and her husband, as I cheer on her dreams and share my hardest moments.  I want to fly across the country to Utah to see if they really have multiple wives...I mean, to spend the weekend with one of my oldest friends and his family.  I want to see new places, learn new things, and meeting person after person.

I sat on the couch with my Mom while she was in town this weekend and I read her what I wrote in response to the 'Stop Instagramming Your Perfect Life' article and we talked about it.  And what I finally realized was, I don't want perfect.  I WANT messy.  My relationships aren't tidy.  My house isn't perfect.  But I wouldn't trade it for a million perfect days in neat little frames with flattering filters. I love to share images and I love to share with you here what's happening in my life... but this is it!  Sometimes it's simple and others it's thrilling.  Sometimes it's hard and sometimes it's a picnic.  Somedays my floors are clean and my meals are homemade and sometimes it's taco bell on the fly with undone laundry on the floor.  This is it.  This is what I want.  A million days like these....full of the people, the moments, and the God that make this life worthwhile.

This. I want this.

B