The Fist.

Did this book grace any of your childhood shelves the way it did mine? I love this book, because some days really are just that bad. Last week was a week of those days. With a few highlights mixed in like pottery with Bekah, dancing with Thomas, and a lunch with some special long time family friends - the rest was pretty ecky. Truly a week of terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days.

Vicki, my hilarious coworker, has a habit of saying 'I give you the fist', which basically means when you're bothering her or you do something that makes her mad she shakes her fist at you. Well, I shake my fist at all of last week and I bid it farewell. Or not so well, either way.

I took a personal day over the weekend. Slept in til 10am (that's late for me), read 200 pages of a book, laid by the pool for 4 hours, and relaxed at a movie (X-men) with the boyfriend that night. I cleared my head, put that week behind me, and determined to start this week off right and ready for a good week. I will have a good week this week, if it kills me.

It got off to a rocky start with a startlingly drama-enducing message via facebook Monday afternoon (while I was on lunch). I was caught off guard by a message from, get this, someone I have met exactly once. I should preface this by saying I hate 2 things: facebook messages and people nosing into business that isn't theirs. This particular person found it necessary to message me to say that someone else was mad at me (someone I do know, at least). Let's just say the tone of said message was insulting, assuming, and just plain rude.

I took a deep breath as I finished reading the message on my blackberry and thought hard about my response. I gave myself the following pep talk: I WILL have a good week this week. I will not adopt other people's drama as my own. And so, I responded politely, graciously, but with a firm 'you're highly misinformed and fiercely out of line'. Even after a several message exchange, I refused to make a fight out of something that wasn't - I addressed the proposed issue with the person it involved, and tied up the messaging sequence with a polite, ' have a nice day'.

There will always be frustrating things and people that come up in a given week, how we respond to them has a profound effect on US (more so than on the person at hand). Don't own other people's drama. Don't be afraid to confront people, when necessary. Don't pick fights or allow others to pick them with you. Don't own other people's insecurities. Be firm. Set boundaries. Don't be afraid to tell people that you'll discuss issues only with the people involved or something equally concise. Being an effective and purposeful communicator can really cut down on drama. I find that most drama comes from a misunderstanding, avoid being the person that causes that and when possible, be the one who sheds light on the truth.

Here's to a week of good days and I leave you with these parting thoughts:

Know who you are so that when other's question it, you don't falter.

Love,

B

Not my problem.

I was sittin at home just so
frustrated,aggravated
wondering why I let people make me so crazy
then realized it's my fault by being around
negativity
Cuz I don't have to know them and they don't have
to know me

-- Eden's Crush

It's been on my mind lately that for someone who keeps their life low-to-no drama, I'm frequently sucked into other peoples problems. This is a curse I'm not sure how I acquired. While I want to be a good friend to my closest friends, it's the peripheral people in my life whose problems drain me. I want to offer advice, support, a shoulder but I find myself baring the weight of issues that don't belong to me.

How do you politely tell someone it's their problem? I mean, it is. And while I don't want to be rude or unsympathetic, I also chose to keep drama out of my own life for a reason. It's not worth the thought and effort. I feel drained when I think about the recent friend problems that have been weighing on me. Then it occurred to me over the weekend that I don't owe anyone else my emotions. Getting too involved in their problems was getting ME down. For a best friend this is a given but for others?

Along the same lines I was pondering personal responsibility on a lounge chair by the pool (this is why I blog - my head swirls with ideas). Blame shifting plagues my generation. We take little to no responsibility for our current situations. It's everyone's fault but our own. With this I was reminded of the quote from a recent sermon at church which said, 'You are the sum total of the decisions you've made'. Guess what? Life is hard. For everyone. We make choices. Sometimes the wrong ones. The consequences of our actions bite us in the butt or even kick us when we're down. I find it to be an important first step to realize that we chose our paths in life, for better or worse. The path we chose lead us here. Frequently to get to a better place in life we have to pull ourselves up by our boot straps and do the hard thing, the right thing.

Love,

B