The Fist.

Did this book grace any of your childhood shelves the way it did mine? I love this book, because some days really are just that bad. Last week was a week of those days. With a few highlights mixed in like pottery with Bekah, dancing with Thomas, and a lunch with some special long time family friends - the rest was pretty ecky. Truly a week of terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days.

Vicki, my hilarious coworker, has a habit of saying 'I give you the fist', which basically means when you're bothering her or you do something that makes her mad she shakes her fist at you. Well, I shake my fist at all of last week and I bid it farewell. Or not so well, either way.

I took a personal day over the weekend. Slept in til 10am (that's late for me), read 200 pages of a book, laid by the pool for 4 hours, and relaxed at a movie (X-men) with the boyfriend that night. I cleared my head, put that week behind me, and determined to start this week off right and ready for a good week. I will have a good week this week, if it kills me.

It got off to a rocky start with a startlingly drama-enducing message via facebook Monday afternoon (while I was on lunch). I was caught off guard by a message from, get this, someone I have met exactly once. I should preface this by saying I hate 2 things: facebook messages and people nosing into business that isn't theirs. This particular person found it necessary to message me to say that someone else was mad at me (someone I do know, at least). Let's just say the tone of said message was insulting, assuming, and just plain rude.

I took a deep breath as I finished reading the message on my blackberry and thought hard about my response. I gave myself the following pep talk: I WILL have a good week this week. I will not adopt other people's drama as my own. And so, I responded politely, graciously, but with a firm 'you're highly misinformed and fiercely out of line'. Even after a several message exchange, I refused to make a fight out of something that wasn't - I addressed the proposed issue with the person it involved, and tied up the messaging sequence with a polite, ' have a nice day'.

There will always be frustrating things and people that come up in a given week, how we respond to them has a profound effect on US (more so than on the person at hand). Don't own other people's drama. Don't be afraid to confront people, when necessary. Don't pick fights or allow others to pick them with you. Don't own other people's insecurities. Be firm. Set boundaries. Don't be afraid to tell people that you'll discuss issues only with the people involved or something equally concise. Being an effective and purposeful communicator can really cut down on drama. I find that most drama comes from a misunderstanding, avoid being the person that causes that and when possible, be the one who sheds light on the truth.

Here's to a week of good days and I leave you with these parting thoughts:

Know who you are so that when other's question it, you don't falter.

Love,

B

Making the Cuts.

I've been saying for, oh, 3 years or so that I'm going to go through my facebook and clean house. See for whatever reason my facebook friends number just kept creeping up and I was a little overly generous with who I confirmed. Later, as I passed from college to young adulthood I realized, I don't really need people I met one time in class, a study group, a party, or a football game having full access to my life.

I love posting pictures and thoughts on facebook and sharing them with people that I care about who sadly, can't be here in Florida with me. But, that doesn't include the people who pop up on my wall sharing their 2 cents and I think, who is this? Not only did I have too many people I didn't really know having the ability the stalk me on a whim, but interestingly enough I kept getting messages, comments, 'likes', etc from people I couldn't even rember how I'd met. It just got to be too much for me.

I love input. Ask any of my close friends and they're tell you I'm constantly asking their thoughts, opinions, and advice on everything from clothes to relationships to travel deals to workout regimines. I love sharing in life with people who are passionate about the things I am. I love sharing advice and tips and welcoming people into my friendship circle is like inviting them to be family. I take my friendships seriously and I love with all my heart.

That being said, what I don't enjoy is the people butting in where they're not wanted and I was getting a lot of that on 'the book' lately. So, consider this a little 'rest in peace' to the 102 deleted facebook friends of last week. I found as I delved in there were actually less of those people than I thought there would be (out of 1602 starting out) so the cleaning of house wasn't as extensive as I'd originally hoped but I will say, though they were less in number than I thought they made it feel like a lot. I feel like I just had a successful spring cleaning. Goodbye people I met once. So long weird Colts fans who add me. Peace out creepy male stalkers. It's been real, but this is the end of the road for us.

In a slightly funny turn of events, I've actually had several of said deleted people re-add me! Ack. Talk about awkward. But I'm done feeling pressured to confirm every requests. Some people simply do not need to know my goings on. You cannot be afraid in life to burn a few bridges. So, fairwell to all that were lost in the great facebook cleanse of 2011 and for those still around - glad I've cut away some of the distractions so I my news feed can be full of you!

Love,
B

Facebook, twitter, and stalkers, oh my!

Social networking. The ever increasing phenom of social networking is completely fascinating to me. As a ‘member’ of twitter, facebook, myspace (past tense really), blogger, and 20sb.net – I am all over the place with internet updates. However, I got to thinking after a recent episode of Criminal Minds (I’m obsessed), how much information is too much information?

See, I’ve never been someone who posts my drama on facebook. That’s not how I handle fights with friends. I’ve never put a relationship or anything about who I’m dating up on any of my sites (except to occasionally make fun of a guy, without his name, on my blog). And I don’t add people I don’t know, although I do let anyone who wants follow me on twitter and there are people on my facebook who despite thinking they know me, don’t really. I usually confirm all my friend invites, assuming I've probably met the person somewhere along the way and have just forgotten.

During this Criminal Minds episode, the girls who are targeted by the seriel killer are girls who are obsessive with social networking. He finds them via a facebook type site and proceeds to follow their statuses, learning all about them. He later uses this information to know when they aren’t home and he breaks in and places cameras in their houses (I know, creepy). And later he uses the cameras in conjuction with knowing their routines and schedules to carry out his evil plans.

So I realize this isn’t real. It’s 'just' a TV show. BUT there have been plenty of stories in the news over the past year or so of people who’s statuses have gotten them in trouble. Either people breaking into their houses while they know they’re out of town (because of twitter). Guys on college campuses becoming obsessed with and stalking girls via facebook. You get the idea. So despite this show being fiction, I do wonder if there isn’t something to be said for being careful how much you say, and monitoring who you allow to know your business…is it ironic I’m thinking this ‘aloud’ on my blog? Bare with me.

After reading an article about how to keep yourself safe on the internet, I did take my year of birth off facebook (they say this increases your chances of having your identity stolen). I have started changing my passwords with more frequency to avoid being 'hacked'. And my facebook profile only includes my name, e-mail address, and quotes. But the truth is, a smart enough person could probably do some damage with just that! So, do I go through and delete hundreds of people from my facebook and lock down my twitter to only those I allow to follow? What's the course of action here? I don't want to quit social networking...I love staying connected with people all over and keeping up with their lives.

Food for thought anyway...ideas welcomed.

Love,
B

A little privacy please.

Social networking has made little Internet celebrities out of us all. All of the sudden people are paying attention to our dating lives, know where we are and what were doing, see pictures of us daily, etc. Those habits were once reserved for the Lindsay Lohan's and Brangelina's of the world. But facebook, myspace, twitter, linked in, and blogger have changed all that. Now we've come to expect that we can find out anything, about anyone, in 5 minutes or less...from our phones!

The tricky thing about this is finding a balance and keeping some semblance of boundaries on your personal life. Social networking can be an excellent way to keep up with friends from high school or college that you may not see regularly anymore. Or keep up with your family members and see pictures of your little nieces and nephews (I don't have those ...yet). BUT giving people unlimited access to your life certainly has repercussions.

When I determined I was going to start blogging, I had to determine if this was going to be a public or private blog. Did I want to be anonymous or let people know who I am? Just how much more access did people need than the 1500 people who know 'what's on my mind' from facebook or 'what I am doing' from twitter?

For the most part, I put it all out there for you. I don't blog every one of my inner most thoughts. But I'm up front and honest on my blog about what I've got going on in my life and the mistakes, flaws, and mishaps along the way. In my mind it has been worthwhile. I've grown to love sharing this blog with you all.

I do still reserve a few categories for myself though. One being my dating life. You'd be surprised how many facebook messages and e-mails I get about my hidden relationship status. Am I single? Am I dating? Am I in a relationship? Is it any of their business? Not really. I will say this, if I ever start seriously seeing only one person I promise to tell you. But I'm not going to publicize my dating life. I find that awkward and I think it could be problematic. So, that's a 'me only' category. People are only informed on a 'need to know' basis.

If I did get to blog anonymously, I think I would talk about dating. Because I have plenty of thoughts and funny stories about my 'dating life'. But since you all know who I am, where I'm from, and who I hangout with I'm afraid that's impossible. I'd sure hate to humiliate anyone by publicizing their faux pas (or mine) on a blog for you all to figure out who they may be.

In recent weeks I've been reconsidering the number of people who have access even to my limited profile on facebook. I mean, do that many people really need to see pictures of me on my birthday? Or know how I spend my Christmas vacation? Probably not. A friend of mine recently did a 'clean sweep' of their facebook friends and I'm feeling somewhat inspired. It may be time to make some cuts. No offense to all those lovely people I met once in a class at Purdue who friended me and I never defriended later.

I think it's time for a little privacy.

Love,
B

#5

Facebook. Now before you laugh at me...let me explain! I'm thankful for facebook because it's brought people back into my life that circumstance might not have. I love being able to reunite with old friends, keep up with college buddies, and see new pictures of peoples growing families. Before facebook, how did we ever do all of these things?!

Love,
B

How much is too much?

So, I joined the Twitter cult today. They suggested at my last bible study meeting at Grace that we join twitter and follow one set up for our group so they could give us bible verses everyday. I can't for the life of me figure out how to link to them though, search though I have. Either way, I'm officially on Twitter now and trying to figure out exactly what it is! But this brings me to the point of this blog... just how available is too available?

I've always prided myself on staying up with the times (you know, for all 23 years now). From going to texting as a primary form of communication, to facebook as a way to keep up with friends I don't get to talk to via the phone regularly. To e-mail as a way to get in touch with work contacts and get more done faster. But just how far do we take this technology built to make us permanently available?

From facebook & myspace to texting & twitter - just when do we turn all of this stuff off and let the world survive without us? I got to wondering this after being woken up by a facebook alert sent via my facebook mobile account to my phone at 4am. How much is too much and have I hit that point?

It scares me to think you could really "be my friend" without actually ever spending any real face time with me. You could see me everyday on facebook and myspace. You could read what I'm doing every moment on twitter. You could read my blog to know more about my life, my work, my family, and my friends. E-mail while I'm at work or texting when I'm home. And isn't this similar to how our relationships get sometimes? We don't have time to spend with people so we maintain our friendships in much the same way that we use e-mail to get more work done faster. We let our computers (or phones) do the friendship leg work for us.

I went away this weekend and I set out to talk on my phone as little as possible. I didn't log on a computer to any of my internet sites, I took only phone calls from the friends I was with to locate them. And while I didn't stop texting for the weekend - it still felt like quite a nice break! So why don't I do this more often? The answer is - I don't know. But over the next week or two I'm going to purpose to spend more time talking to people on the phone or in person and less time at my computer virtually being a friend.

Love,
B