Saying No.

Over the past few years I've written a number of times about boundaries, creating space, and learning to let go of things. It never gets any easier for me. I'm a people pleaser to the extreme and I have an impossibly hard time saying no, even when I desperately want too. Over the past few weeks this has really come to a head for me.

I'm tired of meeting other people's expectations. I'm sick of being miserable in situations because I can't say no. I'm exhausted of keeping up with my over commitments.

I drove into work in tears a few days back with the weight of trying to balance it all. Church, family, friends, work, my house, my sanity, my blog, my goals, my weight. I finally sat down and thought, 'something has to give'.

I thought through what I could and couldn't eliminate. I started by writing an apologetic e-mail to an author I'd agreed to write a book review for. It was almost a week into April and she hadn't been able to give us a full copy of the book yet and I'm leaving on the 21st for Haiti. It was looming over my head and I thought, 'I don't have to do this'. I was sorry to go back on what I told her I'd do, but with a week and a half less time than I thought she was giving me, it didn't make the cut.

At the risk of sounding selfish I spent the next few days thinking about what I really want. What makes sense for me. What I need to do. But really, focusing on what I want out of the rest of this year. I felt so torn in a million directions and so overwelmed by everyone else's needs and desires. Their needs and desires were costing me dearly. It was time to take a step back and trim some fat. It was time to get real, honest, and maybe even a little selfish.

Too many of my relationships have entered the 80/20 zone. The zone where I'm putting in 80% of the effort to their 20% and I just can't maintain that long term. I believe all healthy relationships have an ebb and flow where each person takes on a little more of the weight for periods of time when necessary. But I was baring too much of the weight for too long.

I have entered a time in my life where I have to learn to say no. I'm 1 week out from leaving the country, 2 weeks out from renovating my house (1 day after reentering the country, mind you), 6 weeks out from my DC trip, 6 weeks out from the beginning of my busiest months of work and travel...and well, you get the idea. I've got a lot on my plate and I'm exhausted. I don't want the quality of my time, work, and effort to suffer because I keep finding myself saying yes when I know I need to say no.

I'm tearing up just writing this because I hate it and it's hard for me. But I'm spending the next few months clearing out some of my time and responsibilities. I need to make time to recover and relax. I've hit my breaking point, and now it is time to rebuild.

Love,
B

Hollywood is like High School with Money.

Happy Friday the 13th blog world. I hope you all are equally unafraid of such things but I did note as I was typing the date in for scheduling what date this Friday fell on.

I took a quick break from deeper, darker readings to demolish this Zoey Dean book in literally 48 hours during one of the busiest weeks of my 2012. I was in prep mode for a weekend out of town (my Scottburg trip) AND early prep for my trip the following weekend (Raleigh) because I would only have 3 days at home in between Whew. But despite work, laundry, packing, cleaning, and celebrating friends birthdays I still managed to fly through the 278 pages of thiI've got to be honest, I loved it. It was the Hollywood assistant version of a Nanny Diaries and Devil Wears Prada lovechild. Witty, hilarious, and maybe a little below the belt of the entertainment industry. I ate it up. As if it all that wasn't enough, it even had a hint of Mean Girls thrown in. As Taylor Hennings has to get her mean girl on to get ahead I found myself thinking 'you're a mean girl, Katy Heron' more than a couple times.

Light, airy, deep-as-a-kiddie pool and completely entertaining I'd say this is a perfect sun bathing read. It was just what I needed to break up my last few reads and a great number 25 to add to the list. I admit, I'm a little tempted to grab another Zoey Dean book soon.

In case I haven't done it justice here's the Amazon take on Hollywood/High School:

Twenty-four-year old Taylor Henning has just landed her dream job as an assistant at a major movie studio. But when her catty coworkers trick her into almost getting fired, she realizes that the old saying "Hollywood is like school with money" just may be true. The thing is, Taylor wasn't exactly a social butterfly in high school-how is she supposed to do any better the second time around?

That's when she meets her boss's popular sixteen-year-old daughter Quinn, and has an epiphany: maybe this teenager can teach her how to use her queen bee tactics to succeed in the Hollywood popularity contest. Quinn comes up with a plan to teach Taylor one lesson a week-everything from "Fake it 'til you make it" to "It's *never* your fault"--and soon Taylor finds herself winning the war against rival assistant Kylie. Until, that is, she's directed to steal Kylie's boyfriend, and something happens that's not in the game plan: Taylor falls for the guy. Now she must do the impossible-- harness her inner mean girl while staying true to herself.

Sold? Grab yourself a copy. Unless your Amber and your getting mine

Linked up, locked and loaded. I love book

L

It's Ok Thursday.

It's Ok...

...to fall asleep in front of people when you're tired. At least I hope so, this happened to me TWICE last weekend. Gr.

...to be sad when things you've been excited about are over, even if they were amazing.

...to constantly want something to be planning for.

...to realize you're insane for planning 7 days out of the country followed by 2 weeks of home renovations. Whew.

...to love crockpot meals (and all the great recipes Pinterest has to offer)

...to countdown the days until things you're excited for.

...to grocery shop on your lunch break (seemed so much better than wasting my evening time)

...to hate buying TP, paper towels, laundry soap, etc. It just seems like such a waste of money.

...to LOVE taking out the trash. Weird, I know...but I love it.

...to be really excited for a project with a friend tonight.

...to want to read all the time.

...to be obsessed with Goodreads.

...to pick your nose (in private). They've got to get out of there somehow!

...to write 'shave your legs' on your to do list so it actually gets done.

...to brush your teeth twice a day at work.

...to be ready but not ready for your trip to Haiti in just over a WEEK!

...to love Groupon.

...to hate dirty kitchen countertops, cleaning the bathroom, and hand washing dishes.

...to love buying cleaning supplies and office supplies, even when you don't need either.

...to be proud of yourself for getting $42 worth of free groceries and cleaning supplies at Publix this week. Thrifty shopping for the win!

Oh Thursday, how I love you.

Love,
B

Condo Revamp - The beginning.

Well I'm 2 weeks out from the beginning of the batch pad revamp. Being a homeowner has been the most fun adventure of my adult life. Trust me when I say I wouldn't trade it, it's been amazing. It's insane to think it's been 2.5 years since I signed those papers and gained a home of my very own! I can barely wrap my head around it.

So now, 2.5 years later I'm starting a few upgrades I've been thinking on, preparing for, and saving up the funds to complete. Those dreams start to become a reality May 1st of this year. From May 1st-May 15th my house may be in a bit of chaos but I'm so thrilled for the end result. If you follow me on pinterest you may have seen a new board pop up last week - this board will highlight all the upgrades and give you an idea of what will be happening, what I'm purchasing, etc.

Also I will be taking pictures along the way and giving you before and afters! I know this will excite some of you more than others. But for my fellow homeowners, my soon-to-be-homeowners, and my someday in the distance furture homeowners this may give you some ideas of how to do similar projects.

After quotes and measurements galore it was time to get down to business. I finally bought the new faucets which will be installed when they get rid of my boring while bathroom countertops and replace them with granite. It was an ORDEAL to get the ones I fell in love with online and then found out were an 'online special' which was also out of stock and back ordered! Ack! I spent weeks tracking them down and pricing them out. When I had almost given up because the least expensive price I could find them was $177 a PIECE plus $30 in shipping....Home depot came through for me:

Not only were they by far the best price but I was able to pick them up in person and I had a giftcard that helped cover the cost. I never would have imagined that plain old sink faucets were over 100 bucks a pop but like I've learned with many home projects, the differance between a $100 you can live with and a $134 faucet you love isn't so great in the grand scheme of things. I splurged for the ones I loved.

If you're looking for faucets you should try to only fall in love with ones that are available, though. That's my tip of the day.


So here is your very first 'before' picture of the bathroom. This is the master bath (aka my bathroom). This shows you the very basic white countertops as well as the very basic/very shiney silver faucet that is currently at home in my vanity. In less than a month there will be beautiful granite and a modern meets retro facet in 'brushed nickel'.

One more project I'm working on in advance of the 2 weeks of painting which will commence on May 1st as well, is what I'm going to do with my walls. One of the projects I want to start is a canvas print to represent the big cities I'm visiting. I determined last year to start visiting one big city a year. Last year was New York City and so I bought my first canvas (and began the project) with a groupon for this:

This year, after May, I will have to start searching for a DC canvas to represent my 2012 trip of the year. I've been to MANY places over the years including quite a few of the big cities but in my young adult like I determined I wanted to do some of them again. Still thinking through my 2013 destination so I can start saving and planning soon. Suggestions welcomed. Potentially a West Coast trip is in order.

Thanks for sharing in my excitement about the revamp - updates to come!

Love,
B

Looks I Love #13.

Haven't done one of these in a while, but I adore this chic, simple look I found on Frugal Fashionista the other day. If you don't already follow this blog you may want to start. She does a great job of creating similar outfits to those worn by stars on a young professionals budget spectrum. I adore that concept. Even better, I frequently find that I HAVE the pieces to put together these outfits already in my closet, I just haven't put them together quite like she has.

Don't you think most of us could put this together from a combo of currently owned items and maybe buying a piece or two in order to complete it?

Love,
B

Scottsburg Trip.

First off I want to send you to check out probably my favorite guest post I've EVER done here on Darby's blog.

(boarding passes printed, Thursday @ work)

As I sit down to write this I'm having the urge to sing 'all my bags are packed, I'm ready to go, I'm standing here outside your door'....

I love to travel and lucky for me the last two weeks have been full of it. They're really only the beginning though. Later this month I'm headed out of the country for the first time to the Caribbean to help build a church in tent city, 30 minutes outside of Port au Prince, the capital of Haiti. I will return just before the end of April, work my first NFL event of the season with former Super Bowl Winning Head Coach Tony Dungy, before jetting back off to explore Washington DC for a few days in mid-May.

When I promised you that year of experiences? I wasn't lying. I've put my money, my passport, and my suitcases where my mouth is and I'm going big this year. Travel, travel, travel I will. I love it. I wouldn't trade a second of my time away, even though I always feel a sense of relief about coming back home as well. Keeps me grounded.

I started my Scottsburg trip (my second of the year) with a 6am flight to Baltimore where I endured a layover with a bag full of books and my Christmas iPad (thanks Dad!). I normally fly direct but to be honest, I don't mind the occasional layover when I don't have a deadline for work or a holiday to rush too. I enjoy people watching in airports, reloading on fountain diet coke, and snagging a few postcards to send to my favorite 'penpals' across the states.

Bags of books - literally.

Hello from Baltimore!

This trip started out rough. Everything that could go wrong the week in advance pretty much did. I got sick, for starters. Then I had a relapse of my stomach drama of the year before to follow my sickness. My ride to the airport cancelled 24 hours before my flight. Naturally this was also the week nothing I own fit right, my AC needed servicing, and I learned that diet coke supposedly causes anxiety. Ack! Well, you get the idea...it was off to a such a rough start I remember texting Jo on Wednesday night as I was working on packing and saying, 'I'm starting to think my planes going to crash!'. But have no fear, I've lived to write to you all.

My flight to and my time in Baltimore were freezing. While I had thought through packing for my time in Kentucky/Indiana I had not taken the time to realize it would be blizzard worthy weather in Baltimore. Br! But I managed to finish a book and start the next, while being watching by a creeper.

My flight left Baltimore late but arrived in Louisville, KY early. Candy picked me up and we had lunch at Panera downtown before she went back to the office to finish up for the week while I loitered at Panera watching Lipstick Jungle on my ipad and reading.


When I felt like I mooched enough diet pepsi (bleh) and loitered long enough I took a walk around the L. It was absolutely beautiful there, although I kept saying it was 'chilly' and getting strange looks. Everyone there was in flipflops, I couldn't leave the house without a sweater. Florida has made me a real wimp.


One afternoon we took a drive through Henryville, IN - where the tornados recently hit. It was both humbling and a great reminder to make sure we're storing up our treasures, not on earth. To think you could lose it all in a second really puts things into perspective.

Henryville.


Candy & I at Lights Barn.



And again.

Tyler and I. I'm basically built exactly like that.

It as a relaxing low key weekend in the burg. It was hard to catch a 7am flight back that Monday. We got up at 430, drove to Kentucky, I flew to Tampa, picked up my car and headed straight to the office. Nothing like coming back to the real world.

I feel grateful I was able to go back so soon. Two trips to Scottsburg already in 2012 and it's only April. Truly a blessing.

Love,
B

Time Out.

I love my life. On the good days and on most of the bad days. But even I find that sometimes you just have to call time out. We all get in these ruts where nothing goes right, or so it seems, for a while. I've been surviving a long phase like that myself. To combat this I've decided to allow what I will from here on out refer to as 'time outs'.

Last Wednesday my plans (to work late) got cancelled last minute and I suddenly had a free night. I quickly texted Jess to see if we could get fro yo. I knew it was a long shot since we were both at work by then and it was only a few hours away but I figured, why not? Thankfully she was free and in the mood for fro yo as well AND had experienced an equally yucky day. I agreed to fly out the door and over the bridge to the St Pete side of town which is when I remember that Jlo works over there some of the time. She didn't take too much coaxing before she agreed, she could use some friendship and fro yo too.

That night turned out to be the best night of my week, sitting around talking with two girls I have come to adore! I of course had to relay (twice, once for each girl) the story of how I tried to take a tank top to the tailor who wanted to charge me 16 bucks...when I determined I didn't want to use him and screamed in my face that I owed him 6 bucks for 'wasting his time'. It was awful. Naturally I was so overwelmed I gave him the money and then got in my car and used my iphone to promptly write exactly how I felt about my experience online for when people google him. Yeah, take that!

Anywho, as I left yogurtology after 2 hours of belly laughing I thought, 'that was exactly what I needed'. I promptly said as much on my facebook status and later realized Jess had posted the exact same status. Turns out we all needed a time out from real life to just enjoy ourselves, stuff our faces, and laugh.

So consider this post my thank you - to friends who have stepped up to bring me so much laughter and happiness during a rough time of transition in my life. And my encouragement, to you, to take timeouts when you need them. Don't let life weigh you down and don't be afraid to put the 'crap' in your life on the back burner for a few hours and have fun. Turns out, returning to take care of business afterwards isn't quite as daunting!

Love,
B