#midwestroadtrip Recap.

This B is back. Oh heeeey.

I had grand intentions of updating this blog from afar but once I got in the air and later on the road I realized, I really need to just be for a week.  That of course didn’t keep me from an influx of photos from my absolutely wonderful week long Midwestern road-trip adventure.  So here’s a quick recap…

This trip was about people.  

I should start by confessing: I don't go to weddings.  It's not that I don't like marriage and people's holy matrimony and all that jazz.  It's just that when you're 27 you get invited to weddings every weekend and I just don't have the time and travel fund to accommodate everyones nuptials.   

So why then did I fly 800 miles north, borrow a car and drive another 3.5 hours to attend one?  Because Mer isn't just a friend, she's family.  When I moved to Tampa once day after finishing my last class at Purdue I had a few remaining friends down here but essentially, I was on my own.  A few months later, Mer moved to Orlando.  

We hadn't been close friends in college but she immediately got in touch and you know me, I was happy to plan a visit.  We spent the next two-ish years being each others Florida family.  We commuted back and forth on the weekends to spend time together, exploring our own cities and each others, and doing life together.  I honestly look back and can't imagine that season of my life without Mer and her friendship.  She was exactly what I needed.

Eventually, sadly, she moved back up north which I guess was good since that's how she met Nick, her now husband.  But for me it was a sad, sad time of saying goodbye.  But she helped me through the hardest years and for that I owe her big.  So when the invite to her wedding came I thought, I'm going to make this happen.

Oh Mer - I'm so happy for you and so extremely grateful for your friendship.  

While in Chicago I got to catch up with my very first college roommate, Alyssa.  We were put together by some brilliant person at Purdue in Shreve Hall and we've been friends ever since (though I admit, I wasn't the best roommate on the planet)...

Here are, 9 years later.

I even got to meet her sweet boys - I can't believe she has 2 kids! Ack!  This handsome boy is Ethan, her oldest.  What a doll he was.

Since I was cashing in all my frequent flier miles for this trip, I decided to make it an adventure and soak up as much face-time with friends as I could squeeze in without falling asleep behind a wheel.

I flew in Friday and Jared picked me up.  Ya'll probably know this sweet boy has become one of my closest friends.  How is it I adopt all my bff's from the midwest? 

He gave up his Friday night to pick me up from the airport and do dinner with me.  And then dropped my off at my parents house.  They were still on their own road trip adventure down south so I felt like a high schooler being in my high school bedroom with no parents home.  

Lucky for me, he also gave up his Monday to hangout with my down in southern Indiana and show me around his families farm and I finally got the pleasure of meeting his family - including his parents and one set of grandparents.  I officially love his family as much as he's come to love us crazy Christensens.  In my book, there's really no greater friendship honor than being welcomed into someones family.  This kid has become one of us, and may his fam will let me do a little bit of the same now.

The remainder of my trip I spent in Seymour, IN with my main girl Meagan and her family.  This part of the trip has left me with a vacation hangover.  I almost cried in my coffee the first morning I wasn't drinking it beside her, reading my bible, and talking about life.  

It's hard to believe that this girl also came into my life 9 years ago during my freshman year at Purdue.  But really the last 2ish years have been when our friendship has become overwhelmingly my saving grace in good times and in bad.  This girl encourages me, keeps me going, challenges me, and blesses me every.single.day with her friendship.  I hope I never have to do a day without her (except when I go on missions trips and have to be sans phone, I guess).

There were fairs, homemade ice cream, dinners out, mornings in, coffee, smoothies, vintage shopping, reading, talking, pool days, and even a girls night.  It was a blast.  Can't wait to have her on my turf in the fall for a few days.  Meagan and Tyler are such amazingly gracious hosts - I just love when I get to go to their house.  

I also got to see this long-time friend for a lunch date while I was in town...

Lucky for me Candy now works in the same town Meagan lives in, and one town over from where Jared's family lives.  So when I go south I get to see all of these fabulous people at once!  We caught up over lunch (delicious mexican, I might add).  It was so good to see her.

I can't believe I didn't get pictures of everyone I got to see but I also enjoyed a wonderful breakfast with Jodi, who lead me during my time in Indianapolis youth group - she's amazing.  I caught up over Fro yo with Josh, my first college friend ever - from my 2 years at IUPUI when I was technically way too young to be in college (16) - and almost 12 years later, he's still such a sweet friend. Loved getting time with him and hearing what he's been up too.  I love friendships that weather time and distance.  And I even got a great visit in with my sweet friend Sean who has been such an incredible friend from college through my summers in Indy and now through the 5 years of my being in Tampa.  I'm so grateful for his friendship and prayers.  He never misses a chance to pray for me and with me - what a blessing.  I also got to see my Eric, my dear, dear college friend who lives in the Chicago area now and has graciously stayed friends with me all these years.   Loved catching up with him over lunch and seeing his family who will soon be headed down to Tampa!

Whew.  So I'm back in Florida and recovering from a whirlwind of fun.  I have had a lot on my heart and mind this week so there may be more writing to follow soon.  But for now - there's a little snippet of my Midwestern adventure.

Love y'all.

B

Sanctuary.

Most of what I know about Disney movies I learned as a result of my baby sister’s obsession with one at a time.  For 6 months we could only watch Beauty and the Beast for example.  But eventually we broadened her horizons (and thankfully moved out of the Holiday Inn we temporarily had to live in… for 6 months).  One of my favorites to this day is the Hunchback of Notre Dame.  I, of course, read the book.

I promise this post is not about Disney movies.  What it IS about, is the concept of sanctuary.  In the days of the hunchback you could claim sanctuary within church walls and you were untouchable – it was a safe place, always.  Within the walls of a church in those days one could not be arrested (which is how it is used in the book/movie) and you could not be kicked out.

When I dream about what my home will be I want it to be a sanctuary.  A sanctuary is a place of refuge or safety.  When people enter my home that’s what I want them to feel.  I had a great chat with my Mom the other day about the book Love Does and how Bob Goff has created this culture of welcoming people into his home that I’m in love with.  The next week I found myself telling my 5 dinner guests ‘my home is your home from now on – show up whenever you need or like’ and meaning it.

Last week I was thrilled as people came and went all week.  Dinners, desserts, movies, and even one ‘I just need somewhere to go’.  After hosting a roommate for a year I really considered whether or not I was going to explore doing the roommate thing again and I finally concluded I would rather make some sacrifices financially and leave that room open and available.  Not only does this allow my home to feel like MY sanctuary but it gives my friends and family a place to run too when they need to clear their heads.  And the longer I’ve stayed put there and worked at that environment – the more people have come.

Sanctuary Sunday’s began a few weeks ago when after a tough couple of days a friend and I decided to literally weather a storm at my place.  We were due for a tropical storm (it’s that season here) and she came over in her comfy clothes to wait it out together.  We lit candles, grabbed throw blankets, and I made a spread of tacos while we watched Netflix.  Eventually we talked through some of the craziness the week had brought (and I cleaned).

The following week we decided we wanted to do it again.  By the third week, another friend popped in and raided my fridge of leftovers and joined us for a bit, eating and talking about his life.  The following week 2 became 3 and so the tradition continues.  I have made Sundays my day of rest at home (I attend church on Saturday nights – for those of you wondering) and my door revolves on those days for any who need a place to veg and seek sanctuary (or food).

Sundays have become my chance to say no my my usual chaos and busyness. To carve out time to just be available...and I'm wow'd by the results of that simple change of pace.

'I use to want to fix people, now I just want to be with them' - Bob Goff, Loves Does

To Endure the Betrayal of False Friends Revisited.

I took a walk down memory lane via the blog this past weekend and I read back over several posts from last fall when I endured one of the hardest seasons of my life to date.  Now, 6 months from the start of that hard season I'm happy to report I'm in a completely different place.  When I wrote this post I was mucking through the aftermath but the best part about reading back over this was that I've taken my own advice.  After realizing where I was in my relationships and my rescuer tendencies I have spent 2013 investing the right amount of time into the right relationships and I'm happy to report it's made a world of difference.

I am in the best place relationally, mentally, spiritually, and financially that I have ever been in.  Wow, even writing that gives me chills. God has been so faithful to me in the wake of a tough season.  I have been blessed in my friendships.  I have seen the fruits of my efforts to show better initiative and even to enforce better boundaries.  I hesitate to use the word 'happy' because I think as a believer it's not really about feeling happy it's about being joyful (which is a choice in the midst of all seasons).  But I can report that I have truly never been in a better place in life than I am today.

The scars I wrote about as I closed our 2013 still exist today and I have caught myself being guarded. It takes constant effort to knock down the walls I catch myself building and to be authentic in my relationships.  A girl friend of mine said to me over dinner a month or so ago 'you share the least with me of any of my friends'.  What I've found is that the more I've been burned in relationships the better listener I've become, because I'm willing to share less and less of myself with others and this is something I'm fighting.  I desire to be someone who is honest and open.

After the tough loss of a coworker at my last job I recognize the incredible value in having people you share the tough stuff with.  You need people in your life who can bare your burdens when you can't handle it all yourself.  Who you can show your weaknesses too.  People you can let your guard down with.  I have those people and I'm working at being honest with them and allowing them the chance to be there for me in the tough stuff as well as in the fun stuff.

The best takeaway for me has been this: you do become like the people you spend time with.  You adopted their habits good or bad and even more you adopt their attitudes.  So choose wisely who you invest in and who you ask to pour into you.  Find people who challenge and inspire you.  Find people who do a few things better than you do and learn from them.

Thank you Emerson for walking me through a season of betrayal but now I am moving into a season of loving Shakespeare for this:

'A friend is one who knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow'.

Cheers to growth.

Love,
B

Before, Behind, Beside.

I’ve shared recently some of what’s been churning in my heart about friendship.  About what it looks like to make new friends as an adult and how reading ‘My Yearlong Search for a New BFF’ really spoke to me about taking initiative.  When I wrote that I had no idea that relationships as a whole would continue to be a theme in my life.

It started in the fall of 2012 with a kind of a collapse of my current relationships, followed by the epiphany that I wasn’t seeking out new friendships, and as I was wading through those two I landed on my rump after hearing about mentoring in bible study.

Pat Layton is the founder of the first non-profit I worked for out of college.  She’s unbelievably awesome and I’m blessed to know her.  She is also on the speaking team at the church I attend and now work for.  I don’t think she wrote her talk with me in mind but you wouldn’t know that from how directly it spoke to my heart.

Pat broke down mentorship into three categories and I’m going to give you my version of what I heard her say:

-     Before. The people who are ahead of you in life and maturity and you want to be like when you grow up.  They inspire you and you kind of want to soak up their awesome.  You know what I mean?

-       Beside.  These are the friends that are doing life with you.  They may be better at some things than you are and you may be better at others but you’re constantly talking through the day to day and handling it as it comes, together.  I think this is what the bible means when it talks about iron sharpening iron.  And some of us our blessed to have a few people in our lives that are sharpening us daily.  This category is also important because this is where the honesty box is.  These are the people you can be the most transparent with.

-       Behind.  These are people you’re pouring into that may not be as far along as you are either in their stage of life, their finances, their relational life, or their spiritual life and you’re leading them.  You’re guiding them to where you are.  Coaching them up, encouraging them, and sharing your life experience with them.

I see an immense amount of value in having several people in each category that you actively spend time with.  This goes back to that breakdown in my friendship structure, which is – this requires initiative.  It takes time and (of course) effort to maintain relationships so are you ready, willing, and most of all motivated to keep this structure up?  That’s where I’m working on myself.  For me, more than anything else, this is requiring me to cut back the time I spend on surface relationships and really pour that time into less relationships but ones that contain depth (can I get an amen from my social butterflies?)

As I read through her categories and nodded like a bobble head about all the great points she made about why these were important I thought – who are those people for me?  And that’s when I realized I’m not living this mentoring structure at all.  My categories are completely out of whack. 

 I found that I have a list of behinds – which I love.  My inner social worker thrives on these relationships.  BUT the caution here is if you have too many in this category you’re not mentoring them well and they can drain you of time and energy to maintain your Befores and Besides. 

I have a couple pretty new people in the beside category that since learning I have to take initiative I’ve really started investing time in, inviting to do things, and loving doing life with.  So for that I’m grateful. 

The hardest thing for me is finding the people that I need to ask to lead me and being willing to ask them. I hate asking people for their time and energy. I don’t know why that is considering I LOVE when people ask me. (Hence I’m learning to say no)  So I’m working on identifying those people (I think I’ve found one and I’m praying about pursuing her as a mentor).

Pat’s lesson was so crucial for me I couldn’t help but pass on some of the wisdom to each of you. I think so many people who read this blog are in similar phases of life to where I am so I KNOW that this will ring true for many of you and that a lot of you will identify with me – your structure is all sorts of out of whack.  But hey, we have to start somewhere. Knowing where the breakdowns are is a great jumping off point for getting it back on track!

Love,

B

Cheers to the Weekend.

As you all know I was away last weekend in Myrtle Beach, flew back to Tampa late Sunday night (well, later than planned thanks to delays) and threw myself head first into a busy, busy week both personally and professionally.  So when this weekend rolled around I was excited to play catch up with friends as well as to celebrate two birthdays, work most of Saturday, volunteer at church after service Sunday, work on my tan, and craft with two of my favorite ladies.  This was certainly not a weekend of rest but I will say, it was refreshing non-the-less.

Friday I celebrated the birthday of my new-ish and fabulous friend Patricia.  Patricia, Toni, and I's lunch dates have become a highlight of my life, really, and I love having them on the calender even when we have to put them there 2 months in advance to make them work with our crazy, busy lives.  I left that lunch so encouraged and wishing that I could have stayed all day with them.  I truly adore those two.

Friday night I went out to dinner to celebrate the birthday of my friend Preston with them and his friends at 'The Pub' on Bay Street.  My first time there were I was confused by the playing of the opening ceremonies and began to ponder if the Olympics were going to turn into the Hunger Games and I should learn to shoot a bow.

Saturday, as I said, I worked.  So yeah, not a ton to say about that.  However I did manage to clean my house on my break in the afternoon, so it is grateful after my neglect of the 2 weeks before.

Sunday was a perfect end to the weekend.  Loved sharing 'big church' with the kids this week and having Pastor Mike (who I went to Haiti with in April) share from the word.  I also volunteered after service distributing tees to the kids going to 'Summer Explosion' (our version of vacation bible school) this week.  It was so fun interacting with the kids, who I rarely see in my serving roles within the church, and getting to know Pastor Mike's son who was working with me.

Had lunch with friends at Beefs, went out for frozen yogurt, and then did a few things around the house before craft night.  Craft night was potentially the post exciting part of my weekend.  Kayla, Jessica, and I made coasters.  I made a set for myself and one for my sister who recently became a homeowner!

 (for my house)

 (For my sister)

We did pause to go watch the sunset over the water...

How amazing is that? I feel so blessed to live in Florida and experience beauty like this regularly.  I'm about to head into the office to lead our staff in a devotional time this morning, so I need to sign off by wishing you all a great Monday!

Love,
B

The Council.

Recently I read a book in which the author referred to her friends whom she'd go to for advice, support, encouragement, prayer, etc her 'council'.  I was thinking about that last night as two of my girlfriends came over for 'taco night'.  I normally have a standing Tuesday night commitment but I had last night off and knew enough in advance to make other plans.  I've been purposing to spend more of my weeknights investing in my friendships/relationships.  I invited the girls over and said I'd throw together an easy, healthy dinner.

We had ground turkey tacos with whole wheat tortillas AND we tried greek yogurt instead of sour cream for the first time and I can safely say we all agreed, it works!  I believe I read that idea on Pinterest. Anyway, I came home from work and threw together a taco bar (to which Jen said, 'do you always display your dinner so beautifully?' the answer is no, I don't).

We spent the next couple of hours talking about life.  From buying houses to budgeting to where are in our walks with Christ.  We laughed.  No one cried (ha ha).  And we ate our tacos and talked with no topic too big or small. And I thought, this is what Jen Hatmaker meant when she was talking about the council.  The people you do life with.  The people that you talk about the good, bad, ugly, and hard with.  The people who know your career goals, your deepest desires, and who will laugh about your awkward date experiences with you over diet cokes and skittles.

I've had an interesting friendship year.  I prayed going into this year for wisdom and discernment and I have to say that one of the hardest results of that has been the ending of a few relationships. I've seen the light and as a result, walked away. I've let go of people, of guys I liked, and even of commitments this year as the Lord has slowly but surely revealed truth to me in situations.  It's been a stretch.  

But sitting there in my sweatpants and baseball cap, eating the healthiest taco I've ever made, and telling my friends all the Lord is teaching me this year I realized, He's filled in those gaps.  I've had to move forward, move on, and even move away but in the holes created by that growth there has been time, energy, and focus on the relationships that remain.  The people I'm doing life with now aren't perfect but more and more I find that I'm investing in relationships I fully expect will weather the storms.

I'm continuing to put together my council and I find they're a wise, flexible, challenging bunch.  More than that I've had to take a long hard look at what kind of council member I have been for those who have placed me on theirs.  Am I bringing wisdom, discernment, and truth to their lives?  I'm working on that.  Daily.  In the meantime, I'm praying diligently for my friends and for continued growth in my life.

Put some thought into your own council this year. Who belongs and perhaps, who doesn't.  And consider what you're contributing as well.  Life is challenge for each of us as we encounter new seasons and who's in your corner, or on your council during those times makes a world of difference. 

Love,

B

Detox Your Relationships.

I've been reading a Jillian Michael's book called 'Master your Metabolism'. I may or may not write more about that later. BUT in the midst of talking about healthy lifestyles she had a short blurb that I thought might be worth sharing...

From p.193 -

Detox your Circle of Friends.

We have specific neurons in our brains that make us automatically reflect the emotions of the people around us. Ask yourself: Who makes me feel bad about myself when I hang out with them? Who leaves me feeling drained? Take steps to minimize any time you spend with that person.

Hmm. I talk a lot on this blog about friendship because it's a top priority for me. But we've all had a few leeches in our friend groups. You know the type I'm talking about, they suck the life right out of you as well as the air from a room. I'm not talking about a friend who's going through a tough time, those are normal. I'm talking about the habitual life suckers that constantly leave you feeling down.

A guy friend of mine had one of these recently and he stopped by the other day to tell me about it. He said, 'I finally realized that by the time I finish talking to him, I feel depressed. He tells me how depressed and unhappy he is and I come home and start to feel the same way'. Ah ha! This is where Jillian has hit the nail on the head...you cannot stay in relationships that do this to you. Surround yourself (and by this I mean your close friends) with people who share similar values, morals, goals, and attitudes.

This post wouldn't be complete without also addressing the reverse. Make sure you're not this person! If you find yourself constantly complaining, whining, airing your dirty laundry, and dragging your friend group down, stop. It's ok to vent to your close friends but A. make sure they really are your close friends, not just anyone with ears and B. make sure that you're not sucking the life out of the people you love with your bad attitude. No one wants to be Debbie Downered every time they're around you.

Anyone feeling me on this one?

Love,

B

Grateful.

Among the things I really wanted to do before leaving for Haiti, a night out with this girl was near the top of the list. I asked her if we could carve out a hangout night before I headed out and she was sweet enough to do so.

I feel so grateful for Jess and her friendship over the past few months since blogging and meet up's brought us together. It's strange that a few months later I'm not entirely sure how I survived without her. I just know I never want to again.

This has brought with it a boat load of challenges and a few tough months. 2012 has been harder than expected as I've navigated challenges for my family, with my friends, and in my personal life. I have learned so much about trust, loyalty, and friendship. One thing I find I become increasingly grateful for are my friends.

Jess is so beautiful, inside and out. I cherish the time I get with her. She's so thoughtful, loving, and encouraging. She's a joy to be around and laugh with. She has been exactly what I've needed this year, and I hope the Lord blesses her tremendously for that!

Love,

B

Time Out.

I love my life. On the good days and on most of the bad days. But even I find that sometimes you just have to call time out. We all get in these ruts where nothing goes right, or so it seems, for a while. I've been surviving a long phase like that myself. To combat this I've decided to allow what I will from here on out refer to as 'time outs'.

Last Wednesday my plans (to work late) got cancelled last minute and I suddenly had a free night. I quickly texted Jess to see if we could get fro yo. I knew it was a long shot since we were both at work by then and it was only a few hours away but I figured, why not? Thankfully she was free and in the mood for fro yo as well AND had experienced an equally yucky day. I agreed to fly out the door and over the bridge to the St Pete side of town which is when I remember that Jlo works over there some of the time. She didn't take too much coaxing before she agreed, she could use some friendship and fro yo too.

That night turned out to be the best night of my week, sitting around talking with two girls I have come to adore! I of course had to relay (twice, once for each girl) the story of how I tried to take a tank top to the tailor who wanted to charge me 16 bucks...when I determined I didn't want to use him and screamed in my face that I owed him 6 bucks for 'wasting his time'. It was awful. Naturally I was so overwelmed I gave him the money and then got in my car and used my iphone to promptly write exactly how I felt about my experience online for when people google him. Yeah, take that!

Anywho, as I left yogurtology after 2 hours of belly laughing I thought, 'that was exactly what I needed'. I promptly said as much on my facebook status and later realized Jess had posted the exact same status. Turns out we all needed a time out from real life to just enjoy ourselves, stuff our faces, and laugh.

So consider this post my thank you - to friends who have stepped up to bring me so much laughter and happiness during a rough time of transition in my life. And my encouragement, to you, to take timeouts when you need them. Don't let life weigh you down and don't be afraid to put the 'crap' in your life on the back burner for a few hours and have fun. Turns out, returning to take care of business afterwards isn't quite as daunting!

Love,
B