Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Detox Your Relationships.

I've been reading a Jillian Michael's book called 'Master your Metabolism'. I may or may not write more about that later. BUT in the midst of talking about healthy lifestyles she had a short blurb that I thought might be worth sharing...

From p.193 -

Detox your Circle of Friends.

We have specific neurons in our brains that make us automatically reflect the emotions of the people around us. Ask yourself: Who makes me feel bad about myself when I hang out with them? Who leaves me feeling drained? Take steps to minimize any time you spend with that person.

Hmm. I talk a lot on this blog about friendship because it's a top priority for me. But we've all had a few leeches in our friend groups. You know the type I'm talking about, they suck the life right out of you as well as the air from a room. I'm not talking about a friend who's going through a tough time, those are normal. I'm talking about the habitual life suckers that constantly leave you feeling down.

A guy friend of mine had one of these recently and he stopped by the other day to tell me about it. He said, 'I finally realized that by the time I finish talking to him, I feel depressed. He tells me how depressed and unhappy he is and I come home and start to feel the same way'. Ah ha! This is where Jillian has hit the nail on the head...you cannot stay in relationships that do this to you. Surround yourself (and by this I mean your close friends) with people who share similar values, morals, goals, and attitudes.

This post wouldn't be complete without also addressing the reverse. Make sure you're not this person! If you find yourself constantly complaining, whining, airing your dirty laundry, and dragging your friend group down, stop. It's ok to vent to your close friends but A. make sure they really are your close friends, not just anyone with ears and B. make sure that you're not sucking the life out of the people you love with your bad attitude. No one wants to be Debbie Downered every time they're around you.

Anyone feeling me on this one?

Love,
B

9 comments:

Neely said...

Over the past 4 years I have definetely detoxed my friendships. I rid myself of people that were toxic to me. I have also made new friends who I feel 100% myself around. Great post Becca!

lil desiqua said...

I currently have a friend like this. I actually have nicknamed her "Sad Face" in my head. Every time we would hang out she would just moan about how horrible life was.

At first I would just listen. Then I started cutting down time spent with her. But finally I just told her that if life was "So horrible" as she claimed, to DO something about it! She actually listened, and now her life, and our friendship have greatly improved!

Great post!

Ashley Canfield said...

Fabulous post. I actually really needed to read this right now as I've been really struggling with my feelings about one of the people in my life who fits this description quite well...

Thanks love!

Amber said...

Great post girlfriend! I definitely want people around me who are optimistic and up-lifting and make me feel good about hanging out with them. I need to make sure all my friends are like that, as well as myself!

Lydia - Running Wild(er) said...

So well put! I have some habitual life suckers in my life that I think I need to detox OUT! And such a good reminder to not be a life sucker myself!

Meghan said...

YES! I am currently in the process right now! It's tough, but necessary!

Kari C. said...

Amen. I have a long-time friend who is a total life-sucker, too. Maintaining a friendship with her is truly exhausting, and I never feel happy after our interactions. I often wonder why I've maintained this friendship for so long when it's so one-sided. Thanks for inspiring me to approach it in a different way or, if necessary, cut ties with her altogether.

Lindsey @ Running Down A Dream said...

Great post! I don't really have a lot of close friends - my two sisters are my best friends (besides Michael, of course), then a few internet friends, and my Sunday School class. Thankfully, all of these people are awesome :)

Katie said...

SUCH good advice! It's so hard too b/c as a Christian, you feel like you shouldn't abandon a friend in need. But at some point, you aren't helping them, they're just draining you. It's a hard thing to do.