Diary of a Diet Coke Addict.

Note: this blog entry is dedicated to Auburn Williams and Melissa Manuszak - my support system.

It was bad enough when Dave Ramsey made me kick my shopping addiction but this, this is so much worse than that. I’ve been feeding my caffiene addiction diet coke and chocolate for about 8 years now, and I’m sad to say that trying to get over this may be my worst breakup ever (sorry to all the guys I’ve dated for admitting this). I have, (sob), given up diet coke.

This is day two with no diet coke and probably the only 2 days since I was about 16 that I haven’t had a diet coke. It is in fact going to be the death of me so for all you crazies who are about to congradulate me and tell me I’m greatly reducing my chances of acquiring cancer – I’ve also greatly reduced my WILL TO LIVE! Oh yeah, I’m also cranky and aggitated and I have a migraine the size of Russia to go along with it. Bring on the fabulous.

Your probably wondering after that pitiful little rant, why? So after finding out I have IBS recently, I’ve been doing some research as to how better avoid days of being curled up in the fetal position with stomach pain. Turns out all the things I love, are IBS triggers. Oh yeah, it’s bad news friends. Chocolate? Diet coke? Foods with fat? I mean really, am I going to have to be the next Lindsay Lohan to avoid stomach aches? Ugh. If I gave up everything on the list theres a chance I really would be skinny for the first time ever. Gr.

I’m easing myself into the idea though by (violently) giving up diet coke. Which is life altering in a negative way. But what’s a girl to do? It was that or chocolate to start out with and well, I honestly don’t know which is worse. I’m trying to drink uncaffienated diet bev’s for now – like diet cherry 7-up. It’s not terrible but it’s certainly not the same.

2 days? Has it really only been 2 days? I’m never going to make it.

Rant over and out.

B

Get Your Armor.

Life is full of unexpected evenings, is it not? For one of few times in my life I recently was faced with a rather eye opening inside look at how the tragedy of addiction takes it's toll. As with many diseases it eats away not only at the mind, heart, and body but at the people closest to them. The family. The friends.

My mind replayed my conversations from that night over and over for days. Trying to make sense of how the world works, and why people suffer. I didn't come to any prolific decisions other than that we live in an imperfect, sin saturated world.

When I was running on the treadmill yesterday Jordan Sparks song, Battlefield came on. I had just hit my stride, a few seconds into a sprint interval and for the first time I looked at the lyrics of that song with fresh eyes. Maybe Jordan's song makes more sense in a different context...

The family. In our families whether the ones we were born into or the ones we chose (our closest friends) we've all had to grab our armor and go to battle. Perhaps like me you have loved someone that continued to hurt you and wished with all your might it was as easy as cutting them lose. But in a world where few values or truths remain unaffected, love is still the most powerful (somewhat) earthly force I know.

Love protects. As sure as we love our families our instincts are to protect them. I am perhaps one of the friendliest people you will ever meet but you cross my family and experience the wrath. You would be hard pressed to find a girl on this earth who cares more passionately than I about my family.

After years of sitting on cold bleachers listening to morons say horrible things about my Dad, I did finally snap and lay into one in Nashville, TN. To be honest, I'm still a bit mortified by my own physical and verbal behavior. But my instinct to protect the most important man in my life runs deep.

Love hopes. Hope is a feeling that a desired outcome may in fact come, when the outcome may or may not warrant it (wikipedia). The ones that we love don't always instill hope in us but our love for them does. Even we tell ourselves not to hope, we do. We cling with all our might to the belief that our love will prevail, somehow.

I leave you will my favorite words in the entire bible (which I have read several times) - Love never fails.

Love,

B