The Entry about: Assumptions, Honesty, and What Other People Think.

I was pondering yesterday just how much value should be placed on other people's opinions. You hear people say on the regular, 'it's MY life'. Sure, it is. But deep down we all value the opinions of others and secretly want at least some people to think we are awesome, don't we? I want my friends to say good things about me even when I'm not there. I want my parents to brag about me from time to time. I want my sisters to say that I am the best sister and they'd take 10 more just like me, as I'm in the habit of saying of them. So I guess the truth is I do care what people think. Not every person, mind you, but more than a few.

Someone recently told me not to do something I'd planned on because 'people would take it the wrong way'. I considered this for a moment and realizing that even if they did, it wouldn't be so bad, I moved forward with my plan. If people want to assume I'm dating someone I'm not, fine. If they want to make judgements about the movies I see or the books I read (and trust me, they do), let em. If the misinterpret my intentions or my desires, that's on them. People tend to assume what they want anyways, right?

The secret I assume lies in finding the balance in caring enough what people think to be sensitive to the people you care about but not allowing your life to be dominated by the fear of other peoples assumptions. I, for one, like to make my assumptions clear up front. Each time I've started dating someone I've sat them down and said up front, 'Listen, I know that you have friends that are girls and ex girlfriends and girls that work with you, etc. So from now and until you tell me otherwise, I'm going to assume that you're dating me and only me because you want to be. Thus giving me zero reason to be jealous of anyone else you're not dating and if/when that changes, you let me know'.

I've learned that leaving things unsaid is a great set up for misinterpretation. Saying what you mean is far less misconstrued. It's harder than I thought to be truly honest, because deep down I really do want to tell people what they want to hear some of the time. More than that I've learned to lay me expectations out on the table. It's not fair to hold people accountable for expectations they didn't know I had, right? But if I lay them out in an appropriate way if gives the other person the chance to either meet, exceed, or contest them.

I get a fair bit of criticism which some may say I invite by being a social media junkie with a blog. I started this blog to say when I mean and I've done just that - despite the reactions. Honestly, I get more positive feedback then negative which has kept me being open for the last two years of blogging but that doesn't mean there haven't been some tough criticisms as well. I'm 25 and I'm very much still learning. I make mistakes. I have terrible ideas and thoughts at times. I say awful things sometimes. I'm horrible clumsy. I do things others don't always understand or approve of. But I'm unapologetic for my imperfections, because if I had it to do over I'd make many of the same mistakes if that's what it took to get here.

I will end this entry with the immortal words of Dr. Suess: 'Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind'.

Love,
B

Props for honesty.

I was flattered to be tagged here for my honestly while blogging.

One of the biggest debates bloggers face when they first start out is choosing their audience. Do you let people you know read what you write, knowing that you're opening yourself up to judgement? Do you lock your blog and pick your viewing audience carefully so you can say anything and everything you want? Do you pick a 'blogger name' and let anyone who wishes read your blog but no one know your true identity?

That is the million dollar question for us blogsphere dwellers. And I was not without my own debate. Shop Girl (check my noteworthy blogs) addressed this a few weeks back. And honestly, it IS a tough call.

Eventually I determined for myself, that I am who I am. I totally and completely understand why people don't want to subject themselves to the criticism of the people they know...but I deteremined I could handle it. While I'm sure people have had plenty of questions about my blog... Why doesn't she blog more 'Christian stuff'? She actually watches Gossip Girl? Why does she talk about fashion so much? Does she HAVE to talk about football all the time?

The beauty of the internet is that anyone can read what I write, but no one has too. I was honored to be recognized by Helen and really appreciate the props. Thanks girl.  To the best of my writing ability I will continue to be honest with you all.  I don't write deep, heart string tugging entries often but when I write about my own life I will try to use my heart, not my head.  Or at least a combo of the two. 

Love,
B

Pants on Fire.

In pursuit of a job with Child Protection Services I had to jump through some interesting hoops. The most unique perhaps, was the taking of two polygraph tests, or lie detector tests if you will.  An experience I didn't expect to ever endure but one for which I am thankful.  Not simply because it offers an interesting blog topic but for the insight it provided.

Parents are supposed to tell you that the decisions you make will effect your future.  It's written in their job description, along with teaching you to tie your shoes.  They drill that into you and like not swimming after you eat. You never see their point until you have a scare.  Or perhaps I am the only stubborn one.

I came face to face with a lifetime of decisions when I was put in the hot seat.  Here I was strapped in 4 different ways to a machine that would determine whether I was telling the detectives what they wanted to hear or the plain truth.  Time to face the music.  Would my life measure up?

The questions were invasive.  The were prying.  They were appalling.  They were over the top and across the line.  I couldn't help releasing a huge sigh of relief over the ease with which I was able to answer questions that surely had made the bravest of social workers sweat.  Try as they might the questions couldn't throw me off because the lifestyle I had lead up until that point hadn't given me answers to be ashamed of.

I flung my Coach purse over my shoulder and exited the marble lobby with heels a-clicking, awestruck.  For many people the moment when you have to face a lifetime of tough choices and under the gun decisions will never come.  Your choices may not haunt you in a Meet The Parents style.  However, what you do in life and the person you become along the way ultimately find a way out.

I challenge you to live a life of excellence.  Whether or not you ever find yourself strapped to a computer facing an officer addressing issues of your sexual integrity, past honesty, drinking and drug history, and attitude towards former employers - you will find that someday those choices surface.  Be someone you can own up to.  You get only one chance, use it wisely.

Love,

B