End of the Fast, End of a Rut?

Well, I'm happy to announce the fast is over and life can now return to 'normal', as normal as my life ever is anyway. I'm not sad to say goodbye, to be honest. It was a challenge I'm glad I completed but don't be surprised if this was the one and only time I do this type of fast.

As previously mentioned I didn't feel so hot during this fast. Low energy. Kind of moody. No strength to do weight training. I could tell my body wasn't real happy. A lot of the other girls doing it said they're energy bounced back after a bit, but truthfully, mine never did.

I also had several bad stomach days during the fast (proving yet again that it's not dairy or caffeine that's making me sick) so those were extra frustrating when I wasn't even eating (or drinking) food I like. Wah.

Aside from having to cut back my workouts which I love and not enjoying food for 21 days, the fast had it's fair share of emotional hardships as well. I shared a pretty tough blog entry a week or so ago about the clarity I prayed for, and got. I knew going into the fast that the answers I got to my prayers may not be what I wanted...but man, did I really get some tough wakeup calls.

Life and relationships are hard. I know that. But doesn't it seem like all the tough stuff comes at once? The first couple days of the fast came with some hard realizations and while I was down I felt like life gave me a swift kick in the stomach. I kept reminding myself that A. I asked for it and B. the rainbow comes AFTER the storm. But I'm just going to throw it out there -I hope this ends with the fast. I've had enough ecky discoveries to last me a good while now.

Here's some positives:

- after a tough couple weeks of being broken down, I feel the rebuilding on the horizon. I hope to come back stronger than ever, and I mean that on several levels.

- answers. I prayed and I got some answers. Not always the ones I wanted, but answers none-the-less.

- I lost 5 pounds. Hey, rejoice in victories, right?

- All things, good or bad, come to an end, and end she did.

- It is done and I never have to do it again if I don't want. : ]

Thanks for all your encouragement along the way. I really felt your prayers as well as your love and support. Thank you to my vegetarian and vegan friends who rallied with some good food ideas. Thank you to all who wanted me to succeed. I'm grateful to have people like you in my life.

Love,

B

Fast Update.

Ok, I'd like to address something breifly before this post begins. Fasting is not typically something you make public (biblical fasting that is). Now, I broke that 'rule' if you will because this particular fast was a challenge from a blog reader so it was public to begin with. I personally don't think that's taken away from the spiritual aspect and benefits of it. I was met with some...criticism for talking about my fast openly. I respectfully disagree with the criticism but if you're bothered by it, feel free to not read about it, I will not be offended.

Anyway, the fast continues. Today was Day 14 of 22 (normally 21 but I want to finish with 2 of my friends). If you're wondering if it's getting easier the answer is yes and no. I'm past my caffeiene withdrawal and my cravings are greatly reduced though admittedly not entirely gone so those are positives. What is still tough is as someone who spends an hour and a half in the gym a day and is pretty active all the time - going without the protein and iron I normally get from meat has been really tough for me. I can literally feel my body crying for it during my workouts even though I've been eating peanuts, leafy greens, etc. It's just not having the same effect for me. Oh, and I take a multi-vitamin.

I'd be lying if I said it hasn't really taken the joy out of food (and drinks) for me. I mean, I'm doing it and I'm doing fine but I haven't been this unexcited by food maybe in my whole life. I have found a few things to be excited about like fresh fruit smoothies (no yogurt, no sweetners, naturally)...

After a quick trip to Whole Foods on lunch - drink: pineapple, banana, and coconut. Yum.

Also, turns out when food loses it's excitement you have to find something else to be pumped about on your lunch break. When I quit eating out to save money and lose weight, I would use my lunch break to go get a fountain diet coke during 'happy hour' (half price). Well that got nixed for the Daniel Fast so, what was I to do? Retail therapy filled a few days. Checking the mail and watching TV back home (I live 2 miles from work) filled a few. Went for a couple drives over the bay and back just to get out and see the water.

I've shared a little about what's been happening on the spiritual side of things with the fast but most of you are curious about what I'll do differently when the fast is over? This has been an interesting thing to muscle through. I know I won't stay vegan. Frozen yogurt and meats will be amongst the first foods added back in after the fast (slowly, so I don't get sick). But that's not to say this has been a failure in opening by eyes to some things...

I hope to stay eating fresh fruits and veggies with every meal (though maybe not AS every meal). I plan to stay away from the 4 a day diet coke addiction for good this time. Maybe 1 per day...or a couple per week even. I know, that's big for me. But I'm finding that I enjoy drinking more water...even though I miss my afternoon diet coke treat.

I've never been much of a bread or milk person to begin with so that hasn't been a sacrifice and it won't really be returning (occasionally I'll eat bread out but I don't buy loaves of it). I will keep at the whole wheat pasta since I finally found some I like, though that will be out for g-free month in March.

Oh the other question everyone seems to be curious about - do you lose a bunch of weight? This probably depends on which foods from the fast you're eating. If you eat all peanuts, pita chips, and chips and salsa - I'd guess not. My first week on the fast I lose a little under 3 pounds but I purposed to stay within my calorie goals for my weight loss AND I worked out everyday (which is tough when you're fasting). This hasn't been about weight loss for me, but I also didn't want to derail my progress.

Thanks for all your loving support and prayers. It's been a tough 14 days but the end is nearing and the benefits continue to out weigh the sacrifice.

Love,

B

Be Careful What You Pray For.

You hear it said on a regular basis, 'be careful what you wish for'. A caution that getting what you (think) you want won't always pan out the way you imagined. Similar to a 'the grass is always greener' type situation. Sometimes you get what you wish for and realize it's not at all what you wanted. Well, the same can be said about praying.

I was contemplating this as I've recently been praying for clarity in my life. If there's one thing I'm great at it's making something out of nothing. Somewhat of an eternal optimist when it comes to people I always want to believe the best about everyone and trust that they're everything I hope they are. This is a terrible flaw. Maybe not being an optimist but projecting on other people my good intentioned ideas? A quick road to disappointment.

People are imperfect and just as I have been known to make mistakes, so do they. But bigger than that, making people out to be something in your head that they aren't, just isn't fair. I'm smart enough to realize this but somehow I keep on doing it. That's the way with us people, isn't it?

As the Lord has given me the clarity I asked for, it's been tough on me. I prayed to see the people in my life and my relationships clearly and I have to say it's really taken a toll on me as I've gotten just that. Relationships are frequently not what I imagine them to be. I'm a giving person and it's natural for me to give of myself, but when that's not returned, well, it can only go so far.

I've always hated that quote people love to post everywhere, 'Never make someone a priority, if you're only their option'. Maybe I hate it because there's some truth there I'm not ready to face? I am one incredibly busy person but I make time for the people that matter to me and I make a consistent effort to let them know I care. What I've learned from that is that if someone with a schedule like mine can do that (my Dad is another great example - he's THE busiest man I know and he's a great friend, husband, Dad), so can all the other people in your life, who don't. They choose not too. Yeah, that has a little sting to it, doesn't it?

I also know this to be true, the Lord reveals truth to us in love. What I find loving about these revelations I'm having is that it offers me hope. Hope that there are people, like my best friend, who WILL go the extra mile. Those people aren't easy to find. In fact, they're rather few and far between. But when you find them, do what it takes to keep them in your life - they're worth every effort.

So I raise my glass (of water) to being a priority to the people who matter and letting go of the ones who don't.

Love,
B

Seeking and Finding.

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart - Jeremiah 29:13

This fast has always been about stripping away the distractions (in this case food) and sacrificing the pleasure I gain from that (or diet coke) and replacing it with time with the Lord. I don't believe there is a point in taking away something unless you plan to replace it with something more beneficial. I have prayed that this time would be a time of the Lord giving me clarity. The nature of the things in which I'm seeking clarity makes it a little complicated for me to share with you about it here. Know this, I am pursuing the Lord's direction in all aspects of my life as I seek to know Him more.

The bible study I'm doing with my small group, One in a Million, asked if we are fully experiencing the Lord's blessing in our lives - why or why not? As I pondered my own answer to that question I really dug deep. This is what I wrote. No, at this time I do not believe I'm experiencing the fullness of blessing the Lord desires to give me because I have yet to fully let go of my desire to succeed in the world. I still care what people think. I still want to have a beautiful home, a job, money in the bank, vacations. I live in semi-fear that when I fully let go of my hold on the world, the Lord will take those away.

This is not what the Lord says in his word. Yes as Christians we will face hard times, that much I know and have experienced. But the Lord promises that if we seek first His kingdom and his righteousness, the rest will be given to us. I believe with all my heart the truth of those words. So why can't I let go? Control. Relinquishing control has always been a tough thing for me. I keep handing one thing after another to the Lord but I find myself holding a few things back for myself to manage.

This fast has been eye opening in many ways to me. To my severe addiction to diet coke, obviously. To how much of my time and thought process use to go into what I ate and drank. To how much of my money is wrapped up there as well. This fast really isn't about food though, is it? As I ask the Lord for wisdom I find that he is giving it to me. He's opening my eyes to so many things I wasn't seeing clearly before. I see him answering my prayers and giving me the desired clarity on my life.

I'm being honest with myself and with Him about the things I'm holding back and I'm seeking his strength as I look at letting them go.

God is good friends, all the time.

Love,
B

There's Safety in Numbers.

As my regular readers know, my February goal for the blog was to complete a 21 day Daniel Fast. Well I'm on day 3 (I started a day early so it will now be a 22 day fast). Thankfully two of my girlfriends - Jess and Bekah signed on to do it with me. As our parents taught us, there is safety in numbers. It's been great to have people to go through this with me and encourage me each in their own way...

Jess picked me up on day two of the fast for my lunch break. We ate Taco Bell's pintos and cheese with of course, no cheese and wandered Marshalls. Jess and I have had similar results from the start of the fast, lack of energy. For two vivacious girls like ourselves, this is a new challenge. We don't feel like ourselves when we're not brimming over with enthusiasm and excitement. We sluggishly plugged through our shopping trip but it sure did wonders for my mood. We also exchanged some fast-friendly food we'd both cooked at home.

After discussing the need for a little TLC, I booked us both appointments to get pedicures after work last night. A much needed time out from life to relax and give in to our bodies desire to be buffed and polished. Pedicures are a real treat for me, I just love them. Almost as much as my monthly facial which is less of a treat and more of a must-have for me (it's worked wonders for my skin). But a trip to viva la diva was a must for us.

Bekah, being far away, has had to be an encouragement in other ways since for the next few months our friendship is long distance. She's kept me going with fun tweets, encouraging e-mails, and a Tuesday night phone date. I've also been wearing out the CD she made me of praise songs in my car as of late. Loving it.

The fast has certainly been trying. I've had a hard time getting in the groove. Day one I felt sick as a dog all day with a terrible migraine and feeling like I was going to pass out most of the day. By Tuesday I was making a comeback, so I thought, but I wore myself out early and found myself in bed my 9:00. I did manage to get in a 45 minute workout Tuesday night before bed though...that I was proud of.

With the pedi to look forward to I forced myself out of bed at 6 on Wednesday morning to Shred with Jillian Michaels. This fast is certainly not about weight loss but I can't afford to get out of my routines for 3 full weeks either, so I'm trying to stay with my healthy workout habits. I struggled through the workout. I haven't felt that weak in so long. The weights left like they weighed 100 pounds instead of 5. I was hurting...but I stuck it out and kept saying 'pedicures, pedicures, pedicures'.

I am not as of yet experiencing the clarity of mind that I've been praying for but I will say my quiet times with the Lord this week have really been uplifting. I'm continuing to work through my homework for my small group which is currently doing a study called 'One in a Million'. Not normally one for homework styled bible study workbooks, this has really been a great start for me. I'm enjoying every day of it.

Thankful this morning for friendships that are uplifting and friends who are willing to suffer with me. : ] Believing firmly the Lord will speak to each of us over the next few weeks and reveal himself to us in real ways. I am praying for many of your readers, especially those of you who share with me what's on your hearts or what's going on in your lives. I'm thankful for each of you but especially those who interact with me.

Love,
B

5 Days Out.

In the days leading up to the beginning of my February goal – the fast, I have to admit I’m feeling a bit nervous. I think once I get started I’ll be fine, I just worry that I won’t have any energy, going caffeine free will give me migraines, or that the fast itself may send my stomach for another loop. I think it’s the normal, major life change jitters. I’m venturing pretty far out of my comfort zone by giving up meat, dairy, sweets ,and caffeine all at once! I’m glad I have two of my closest friends to do it with me, I think I’m going to need people to vent too and to hold me accountable.

On a positive note, I’m hoping a bonus to this spiritual fasting journey will be that my weight loss gets a kick in the pants. Everyone I know who’s done this fast in the past (and several of them recently) has lost a pretty substantial amount of weight. Even my friends who didn’t need to lose any lost 5 or so over the course of the 21 days. So I’m hoping since I still have a little ways to go to my goal this will get me 10-15 pounds closer. : ] Hey, a girl can dream can’t she?

I’m feeling encouraged that Aubs was able to keep working out during her Daniel fast which ended yesterday. In addition to dropping pounds I’ve really been trying to focus on toning through weight training and certain types of cardio. I want to try’n keep up with my workouts while I’m on the fast though I think I may have to reduce my usual 2 hours a day working a smidge since I’ll be on a low protein, low complex carb fast. I don’t want to get injured by wearing out under-nourished muscles.

I’m working now on weaning myself off the caffeine and enjoying a bit of a yogurt bender in prep for going without it for 21 days. Maybe by the end of this fast I won’t crave chocolate every day around 3:00 AND I may just kick this caffeine addiction for good and be able to have it only as a treat after the fast. My skin would really thank me, huh?

Well pray me up my little prayer warriors because the countdown til fast time is only 5 days. Ack.