Seeking and Finding.

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart - Jeremiah 29:13

This fast has always been about stripping away the distractions (in this case food) and sacrificing the pleasure I gain from that (or diet coke) and replacing it with time with the Lord. I don't believe there is a point in taking away something unless you plan to replace it with something more beneficial. I have prayed that this time would be a time of the Lord giving me clarity. The nature of the things in which I'm seeking clarity makes it a little complicated for me to share with you about it here. Know this, I am pursuing the Lord's direction in all aspects of my life as I seek to know Him more.

The bible study I'm doing with my small group, One in a Million, asked if we are fully experiencing the Lord's blessing in our lives - why or why not? As I pondered my own answer to that question I really dug deep. This is what I wrote. No, at this time I do not believe I'm experiencing the fullness of blessing the Lord desires to give me because I have yet to fully let go of my desire to succeed in the world. I still care what people think. I still want to have a beautiful home, a job, money in the bank, vacations. I live in semi-fear that when I fully let go of my hold on the world, the Lord will take those away.

This is not what the Lord says in his word. Yes as Christians we will face hard times, that much I know and have experienced. But the Lord promises that if we seek first His kingdom and his righteousness, the rest will be given to us. I believe with all my heart the truth of those words. So why can't I let go? Control. Relinquishing control has always been a tough thing for me. I keep handing one thing after another to the Lord but I find myself holding a few things back for myself to manage.

This fast has been eye opening in many ways to me. To my severe addiction to diet coke, obviously. To how much of my time and thought process use to go into what I ate and drank. To how much of my money is wrapped up there as well. This fast really isn't about food though, is it? As I ask the Lord for wisdom I find that he is giving it to me. He's opening my eyes to so many things I wasn't seeing clearly before. I see him answering my prayers and giving me the desired clarity on my life.

I'm being honest with myself and with Him about the things I'm holding back and I'm seeking his strength as I look at letting them go.

God is good friends, all the time.

Love,
B