Scattered Thoughts.

I've had a lot on my mind this week and I thought typing them out to you here would help me organize them in my head. We'll see if I can make sense of it myself enough to make it make sense to you here.

First off, I was struck this week with the great desire to be someone who has the ability to get to the heart of a matter. I desire to be someone who addresses issues head on and while not seeking out confrontation, doesn't shy away from the tough conversations. This came to light as I was struck with the idea that in recent situations I haven't let my actions match my words. I long to be someone who is consistent in the way I feel and speak and the way I act.

As you all know to be true about me when I find a problem, I want it fixed. So I spent some time thinking about how I've handled a few elephants in the room lately, and then I picked up my cell phone and dialed up the person I knew I needed to get real with and said the hard thing. The thing I knew that person wouldn't want to hear. The truth. My thoughts, my feelings. I was humble and respectful but I was uncompromising and firm. I desire to be a person of character and of inner strength and while that change doesn't happen by having one tough conversation, character is made in those moments in which we find that we are not yet who we want to be and we must continue to grow.

I'm thankful that the conversation went well and that my opinions were met with a loving and accepting response. To say I was surprised would be an understatement but the glow from that conversation has continued to light up this week. Sometimes doing the hard thing will not meet with such a favorable response but I hope that I will always be someone who takes pride in doing the right thing over the easy thing. I am learning to be more completely honest and open than I have ever been before and I'm watching the Lord reward that. It has not been without it's growing pains.

The power of love is another concept that's recently been on my mind. After getting a surprising text message from someone I've grown apart from over the years both out of necessity and out of natural progression of life I was reminded that our love never totally fails. When we love, people are changed. Sometimes that change takes a while to reveal itself but it never returns void.

I was truly touched by that reminder and challenged in my current relationships. Everyone the Lord brings into our lives is an opportunity to show his love. Are we taking those chances seriously? What does it look like to love? To extend the kind of friendship that leaves an impression, even 8 years later. Those chances are too important to miss or to mess up.

Along those lines, I've been pondering what it means to serve. The bible talks over and over about it but I'm muscling through what that looks like in the practical sense of the word. Right now, for me, with the people I'm surrounded with. How do I serve my family, my friends, my boyfriend, my church family? What does it look like to put their needs above my own and to be purposeful and intentional in the way I serve others?

I'm still working on that one but I wanted to share it so I'd be accountable to continue to be looking for ways to serve.

Thanks for letting me blabber about things.

Love,

B