Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Dear Becca.

I recently came across a question in a book that read, 'If you could tell your 20 year old self one thing, what would it be?'.  That stuck with me for a couple weeks.  This isn't the first time I've heard the question or even the first time I've thought about how I would answer.  But if your twenties have been like mine then maybe you'll offer an amen when I say, every year so far has changed me drastically.  So my answer after each additional year changes.

But today, my 27-year-old self would grab my 20-year-old self by the shoulders and say 'fight like hell'.  When I think back to my college years and the first few years of my career I remember being so overwhelmed and intimidated by each step.  I wanted desperately to make my parents proud, to please my friends, to excel at my job, to be a million things to a million people and it was scary.  Going against the grain, trying to do the right thing, and figuring out how to develop the character I desired was a battle.

Now though, I realize how much stronger I was than I gave myself credit for.  This year I finally feel like I've found my footing and discovered my voice.  I'm finally standing up for myself, fighting for what I want, and being unafraid to go against others opinions.  It's freeing in so many ways.

I still want to make my parents proud. I still desire to excel at my career.  I still want to be a wonderful friend, a faithful leader, and the best possible sister and aunt.  None of those desires have changed.  But somewhere along the way I started fighting for what I want and who I want to be.  And it's been the best battle yet.


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