Over lunch yesterday I finally put into words one of my biggest fears. I was being incredibly inarticulate and I finally just blurted, 'I think I'm afraid of being boring. Of being so boring I'm bored of my own life...does that make sense?' I realize this wasn't exactly well articulated either but there really is no perfect way to say this.
Have you ever been around someone you felt was waiting for their life to begin? Like when they're married, have kids, make more money, pay something off, finish school, etc THEN they would start living? These people terrify me. I'm afraid of being boring while I wait on some outside circumstance to deliver the life I want. I want it bad enough to fight for it now.
Am I making any sense? Anyone?
My friend pointed out that my life is anything but boring. At a 26 I've already:
- Witnessed the Hawaii Ironman live
- Been to 2 super bowls
- 2 pro bowls (also in Hawaii)
- Traveled to Haiti
- Lived in over 30 houses
- Met well over 100 famous people
- Been to 30-something states
- Been to about a million sporting events from seeing Michael Jordan play Shaq to Reggie Millers last game to the time trials of the 1996 Olympics in Atlanta
- I've paid off my debt, graduated college, and bought a house
- I've fallen in love twice
- I've swam with manatees, run a 5k, and even been the person selected for a TV makeover (no lie, that happened)
- I've read thousands of books, written hundreds of blog posts, and taken millions of photos
Well, you get the idea. I've done a few things. So why the intense and unnecessary fear of boredom? I think it's my age. I'm about to turn 27 and I realize that every year since I turned 20 has been better than the year before. I want that to be true from now til the end of my life. I want every year to keep getting better. And maybe I'm afraid I can't keep pace with the awesome exploratory life I've been living the past 6 years.
I can. I've determined that I can. But it will take some planning and conscious effort. Your life doesn't happen to you on accident. If I want to travel the US and a little of the world while excelling at my job and creating meaningful relationships I have to be purposeful. So in the next few weeks leading up to the big 2-7 I'm making some big plans for the next year. Don't worry - you're all included in them just by being a reader of this blog. Stay tuned! I promise, I'm not ready to grow old and bore us all!
Love,
B
2 comments:
Great post. I worry about this all the time. I worry that I've sold out by living near where I grew up and being ok with it. I think as long as you commit to constant growth and are ok with adventure, you can't be boring.
Just from reading your blog I wouldn't think you were boring in the slightest! I have the same fear though. I think it's more like I see boredom as settling down. But I don't think you can be boring if you're proactive about making your goals/dreams/desires come true and you do what makes you happy- whatever that may be!
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