After a perfect weekend away it was hard to return to the ‘real world’. I hit the ground running at 7am on Tuesday, after a midnight flight home on Monday and haven’t slowed down since. Thankfully, I don’t feel physically tired and I came back having slept more over my vacation then probably in the 2 weeks before it combined. What I have been feeling the weight of this week is emotional exhaustion.
There’s been a lot over the past 2 months I haven’t been able to share with you here, or for most of you, at all. The nature of the industry my family is part of, is that I frequently have to hold in the details. I feel blessed to have a few close friends I can trust even with the secrets, as well as a few who are in the same spot. But it’s hard for someone, like me, who wears their heart on their sleeve to pretend like nothing is going on.
I was chatting with my Mom the other day about the media. I shared a few months ago a great article that was written about my Dad towards the end of this football season. It was truly a testament to his love of the Lord, his family, and mentoring his players. After exchanging e-mails with the writer from work, I felt extremely grateful for the media who use their power for good. For truth.
I would never wish on any child to experience the insensitivity of sports fans. What I realize as I get older is that no criticism you will experience of yourself from peers, parents, or coworkers can scratch the surface of the hurt you feel when it’s the people you love most. The desire to defend the people you love is powerful. You feel a fierce sense of loyalty to your family and no matter how many times you stuff down that desire to defend, it never goes away. Over the years I have found that people most frequently say ‘but it’s not true anyway, so you can’t let it get to you’. Ah, yes. Truth. Too bad there aren’t any rules about the media printing the truth, huh? Or fans…there’s no cap on the false things they can say. When people say hurtful things to you, true or not doesn’t really factor in though, does it?
I guess what I find most amazing is how people survive without faith. When I think about the tough side of the game, of life really, I always remember that the Lord called us into this. That his purposes are bigger than wins, loses, criticism, or glory. His plan is bigger than fame or fortune. I take a step back and realize that our rewards are in heaven and that the Lord is the ultimate defender of his people. And while this doesn’t take the sting out of the words, there is a level of peace in that. I feel grateful that each of my family members has a healthy relationship with the Lord and try though I might I can’t imagine doing life without that relationship.
14 “Because he loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call on me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him
and show him my salvation.”