I have an intense fear of what Christian's cautiously call ' brokeness'. The Lord has allowed me to be broken a few times in a my life and I shutter to think back on them. I am thankful that the Lord gives beauty where there was once ashes but it's hard at times not to wince to remember how that brokeness felt.
As I was pondering this week what it means to love something stood out to me. That in Corinthians the bible says that love isn't selfish. Selfish. Think on that term for a moment...think about what it would mean to be totally selfless in the way that you love others.
I found this...
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
It's a pretty radical concept, to value not just one person but all others above yourself. See, I think plenty of people would say they value their spouse more than they value themselves. If you'd give your own life for theirs, that concept is true. But take that kind of love, that self-sacrificing attitude and consider what it would look like to love that way in all your relationships...
Is that possible? If so, what would that look like played out?
I feel this tug at my heart, this longing that the Lord would break me of my selfishness and teach me to love selflessly...but fear is holding me back. The fear of what brokenness feels like. What it would look like right now, at this time in my life when I have never been happier.
As I thought about that fear I read these words by a man who has grown to be one of my favorite authors including authoring a book that radically changed my life, 'Wild Goose Chase'. On his blog Mark Batterson writes:
Maybe the things you fear are the very things that will take you to the next level spiritually. We’ve got to face our fears because we grow to the level of our fears and no further.
If brokeness is required to strip me of my selfish nature and teach me to love well, then I pray the Lord gives me the strength to come out victorious.
Much on my mind, much on my heart this week. Seeking the Lord and praying for the strength to face my fear.